Jul 19, 2024 | Authenticity, Author, Career, Courage, Gratitude, Truth, Vulnerability
Actually, I’m not really sure it was “mini.” I just need to type that to get up enough courage to tell you this story.
If I’m honest, I crashed on December 16, 2022. After 18 months of writing and re-writing, I had just published my first book, “Choosing Me: The Journey Home to My True Self.” Through that stretch, every day I’d wake up early to write for a few hours before work, serve my clients all day, and then write for hours more. I felt like I was working 24–7 for a multi–marathon stretch.
While there were parts of the experience I loved, the literary birthing process was a true labor…and exhausting. Not to mention, as a memoir, the book was a deep emotional excavating of leaving my 25+ year marriage, coming out, and a tough, visceral exploration of my mother–daughter relationship. Expressing my story in the public realm was a raw exercise in vulnerability.
As a daughter of strong, enterprising parents, I wasn’t raised to be vulnerable. I learned to hold my cards close and not let others “see me sweat.” This upbringing, while wonderful in many ways, also conditioned me to be cool and calm on the outside despite the stress and overwhelm I often carried on the inside. Over my career, as a driven leader and business owner, I’ve kept a strong façade and taken on things when I should’ve said “no” or asked for help. Such was the case in December 2022. I wish I’d done both, but I didn’t. So, my body spoke for me.
I remember the day like it was yesterday. It was a Friday afternoon, and I had just wrapped up the work week. My wife, Lyn, came upstairs in our home office the same moment I came down. One look into her face, and I crumbled to the floor and burst into tears sobbing, physically trembling, and trying to breathe. I’d never had a panic attack before, but I’m quite sure I did in that moment. I felt out of control.
Looking back, this was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Mostly, I’m thankful that my body woke me up this way instead of something much worse. Until that moment, I didn’t know how to stop. I didn’t know how to rest. I didn’t feel like I could turn down client engagements and wasn’t as skillful in seeking partnership and accessing my resources. Now I know, and I do.
Since that day, slowly and steadily I began living a new way…a new life. I learned that I can slow down and my world won’t come crashing down. In fact, it’s when I don’t that it does. I stopped reaching for some arbitrary benchmark outside myself to give me permission to live a healthier and whole life. I still work hard. I’m still driven. My business is full and thriving. And more than anything, it’s life giving and fulfilling.
Gone are the days of scheduling myself wall-to-wall, leaving no white space on my calendar, boarding an airplane 30-40 weeks a year, waking up and trying to remember what city I’m in. I don’t pull near all-nighters obsessively preparing for client work the next day. In fact, I’m not quite sure why I ever did. From where I sit today, I hardly recognize that old self.
Reflecting back, I can see things that enticed that insanity. There was a kind of high, like a runner’s high, that came from the race. There was a deep satisfaction of achievement in doing the work and supporting clients in navigating the volatility and uncertainty of their worlds. And I’m sure that there was a degree of proving to myself and others that I could do it, and even make it look easy.
I told myself that I loved it (and believed it). I assured my wife, “I got this!”—especially when she was experiencing her own Covid wipeout and career reinvention. A responsibility gene kicked in, and I was my own Atlas. Why did I create this internal myth, swelling into some kind of unsustainable savior?
It’s important to me to share this story. Too often, I keep my real and gritty life buttoned up, presenting instead the “put together,” shiny parts of myself. But that behavior is the same that led to the crash. We appear to be these superhumans, conditioned by our patriarchal society we live in to strive, achieve, produce, and earn. And at what cost? It’s time to challenge and dismantle these structures, starting with our own values, beliefs, and actions.
In the newly released audiobook, “Choosing Me: The Journey Home to My True Self,” I have a heart–to–heart conversation in the Bonus Author Interview with Lyn about what it takes to know and live your true self. We talk about this experience and others, reflecting on our journey since publishing my book in November 2022. I hope you’ll grab a copy and let me know what you think!
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Jeanie Duncan is an edge walking transformation partner helping individuals and organizations align with their values, discover their core purpose, and create meaningful impact in the world. Her avenues for doing this work are executive coaching, team coaching, keynote speaking, program facilitation, and organizational consulting. For more information, contact Jeanie here.
Jul 9, 2024 | Authenticity, Author, Coaching, Courage, Entrepreneurship, Vulnerability
I’ve never thought about getting vocal coaching for my work as a speaker and presenter….until I decided to narrate my own audiobook. As I prepared for the task, I realized that transitioning from storytelling as a writer to one as a speaker is a completely different game and would require developing new skill and, quite literally, new muscle.
As an entrepreneur, I believe it’s important to “keep in shape” for the work I’m called to do. For me, over the years this has included professional development in the form of leadership courses, assessment certifications, and coach training. When my audience began requesting that I produce an audiobook of my published print book, I thought, hmmm, I’m gonna need to work out for this one! So, I hired a vocal coach, and we got started!
Here’s what I learned:
- How to prepare to read out loud for a long duration
- How I say what I say is really important—like being intentional with tone, pacing, inflection, volume and varying all of that for interest and aligning mood and emotion of the content
- Speaking well is a full-body experience
- Proper mic etiquette
- How critical it is to master my content so I can fully relax into my material with joy and ease, to give my listener the best experience
It was a hugely impactful experience! It made all the difference, both in being able to produce an audiobook product I’m proud of, as well as presenting speaking engagements that are compelling and effective.
And speaking of my audiobook, “Choosing Me: The Journey Home to My True Self,” you can grab your copy here on Audible or Amazon (paperback and Kindle versions also available).
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Jeanie Duncan is an edge walking transformation partner helping individuals and organizations align with their values, discover their core purpose, and create meaningful impact in the world. Her avenues for doing this work are executive coaching, team coaching, keynote speaking, program facilitation, and organizational consulting. For more information, contact Jeanie here.
Jul 1, 2024 | Authenticity, Author, Courage, Creativity, Vulnerability
Wow! Talk about something I never thought I’d do — narrate an audiobook. But here I am, laying down final tracks turning my print version of—“Choosing Me: The Journey Home to My True Self”—into audio. It feels like such a huge accomplishment!
This project stretched me in so many ways. I mean, I thought writing a book was a huge process…but in some ways the audiobook challenged me even more. But, hey, my audience asked for it and my publisher recommended it, so I jumped in. And I’m really glad I did!
It turns out, the audience for audiobooks is greater than I initially realized. Through my own audience surveying, I learned that a lot of people like to enjoy books this way. Not being one of those myself, it was simply a new discovery. And for a memoir, it can be important for the author to be the storyteller. I began to face those things I’d have to overcome…
First, I had to believe I could do it. Until writing my book, the longest stretches of reading aloud were when I read bedtime storybooks to my young son. I was about to begin training for a new kind of marathon—it was both about going the distance and producing a top-quality result.
Then, there was getting over not liking the sound of my own voice. Can you relate? My publisher, editor, and coach helped assure me and give me confidence to step forward. It doesn’t hurt to be married your vocal coach 🙂 Thankfully, my wife Lyn brought a wealth of knowledge and experience and supported my journey.
I remember the day of our first coaching session. I told Lyn I was ready to read a section and get her feedback. She sat on a barstool in our kitchen, and I stood before her with my book on a music stand and began to read. Then, feeling so awkward, I stopped and made her turn her back to me, and started again. I made my way through a chapter and held my breath, nervously awaiting her response. I fully expected critical feedback from this pro…if graded, maybe a C. Much to my relief, she was only encouraging, giving me tips here and there and telling me to keep going. With every step, I developed this new muscle and began to think, “this is really happening!”
Next, I’m a writer—which for me also translates, I’m an introvert. My place of storytelling comfort and practice is with pen and pad, or a laptop…definitely NOT a microphone! For my whole life, when I’ve stood before a microphone, I get uncomfortable. All the years of church and school choir as a kid and public speaking as an adult have done little to calm my nerves and overcome my timidity. But I’ve kept going, nonetheless. I’ve learned that the only way to do the work, is to do the work.
For several weeks, I read my book out loud for an hour or two each day. My publisher advised that the key was to know the content so exceptionally well that I could focus on the quality of the delivery and enjoy it. The preparation paid off. In just four recording sessions plus a few revisions, I had my final audiobook product!
Of all the things I learned in this experience, nothing is more important than this: If my goal is to have an outstanding product or outcome, assembling an “A Team” is my #1 priority. I’m deeply grateful for these exceptional partners:
“Choosing Me: The Journey Home to My True Self” audiobook is available for purchase on Audible. Get your copies here!
Jun 10, 2021 | Action, Authenticity, Courage, Intention, Leadership, Truth
…I would wish for organizations and leaders everywhere to seek to know their truth and be bold and courageous enough to live it.
I’ve witnessed the power of “knowing and living your truth” both in my own life experiences as well as with my clients in theirs. To me, it’s the difference between living an ordinary versus an extraordinary life. Between sleep walking through your life versus tapping into your most full, amazing self and unleashing your gifts in the world.
My “one wish” reflects the essence of how I most want to live my life and help others live theirs. I like the image of water and stepping stones to describe it.
Water represents two things as a constant…
Presence: You can’t seek to know and live your truth if you’re not paying attention. If you’re caught up in all the stuff of life and not noticing, you’re gonna miss it. And I get it, lives are full. Reeeally full. The aim is to “do” your rich, robust life while slowing the pace enough to “be” and focus your attention. It’s both challenging and possible, requiring some serious, conscious choice making, not to mention loads of courage.
Knowing and Loving Yourself: You’ve got to care…about you. YOU have to matter to you. Ground zero in knowing yourself and knowing your truth is first loving yourself (and for organizations, it’s about loving the “entity” as a living breathing organism…its people, mission, purpose, its reason for being).
Next, the stones represent…
a progression of steps I believe are present on the pathway to knowing and ultimately living your truth – what I call the “truth journey.”
- Presenting moment: First, there’s a trigger – an event or situation that swings a person’s or an organization’s pendulum to either dissonance (things like exhaustion, burn-out, hopelessness, crisis, failure, conflict) or resonance (imagine ease, energy, joy, excitement, thriving). You have this experience, and your emotions get stirred, often strongly. Accompanying this moment, is an internal sensation – I’ve experienced it as unsettledness, restlessness, a stirring, or insatiable yearning. And like a nagging 3-year-old, it just won’t go away until I address it head on.
- Stillness: Regardless of whether the experience is positive or negative, it’s important to stop and “sit with it.” If it’s particularly challenging, our tendency is to push it away, busy ourselves, or pretend altogether that it doesn’t exist. Resist the urge! It sounds counterintuitive to say “C’mon! Pull up a chair and sit with that misery for a while!” But it really is important to do just that – to stop, get quiet, be with what you’re sensing and thinking, and reflect, “What is this ‘thing’ trying to communicate to me? What knowledge and information can I get from it?”
- Clarity: In this pause and inquiry of the stillness, the answers could come quickly, almost instantly, or it could take days, weeks, months, even. I promise, there’ll come a time of greater clarity when the knowing appears – it might arrive with gusto like an ah-ha or break through, or it can come almost unnoticed as the slightest movement like a cloud floating by. You’ll know it when you sense a shift inside you – the dots connect, suddenly things make sense, or you might feel an ease, a lightness, or a rise in your energy.
- Choice: Next comes the most pivotal point in the process – you arrive at a choice point. Let’s say you’ve been frustrated in your job for a while. You haven’t been happy for a long time, maybe never. You’re burned out, exhausted, and feeling empty. Then comes the “event” that causes you to burst, “I’ve had it! I’m done!” And here you are…hello choice. You start contemplating your situation and exploring options. Often what happens here is we do what’s easy and take the path of least resistance: we stay, we tolerate, we settle, we endure. It’s here that I stand the firmest (and most compassionate) with my clients, because I can see what they can’t – their gifts, potential, resources, and courage (even if only a glimmer). I help them consider choices that empower, harness their strengths, and connect them to their passion.
- Action: In my opinion, the most important consideration here is that your actions align with your values and what most fulfills you. One of the perils that gets in the way of action is living in the place of “should.” With the job example above…“I should stay. After all, people are counting on me, proving my loyalty is important, it might get better…” If you’re an organization considering these steps, it might sound like “We should continue this program. We’ve been delivering it for 20 years, and a lot of people count on us. The program may be making little revenue and have ‘run its course,’ but there would be a public outcry if we stopped.” To take action, first tune into your “why,” your purpose, to what calls to you and lights you up. From there, make your plan and work your plan.
- Live: Once in action, live fully into the choice you’ve made and the path forward…no second guessing, no wondering if you did the right thing. Bravely, boldly go! As an individual, of course there’ll be personal check-ins, and you’ll continue to reflect and refine your path forward. As an organization, there will be assessment, evaluation, and measuring progress. That’s simply being smart and responsible. Lastly, remember that you are surrounded with resources you can leverage wisely: people, time, money, as well as practices like self-care, meditation, good nutrition, and fitness.
Hi, I’m Jeanie Duncan. I work with individuals and organizations as a transformation partner to help them unlock their Truth, discover authentic value, and create meaningful impact in the world. I believe when we are truly aligned with our purpose, we can live and perform at our highest potential. With over 25 years of experience as an executive, CEO, consultant, and coach, I offer strategic, knowledgeable, and experienced guidance for those who are ready to take the courageous leap toward true transformation.
Feb 17, 2021 | Authenticity, Courage, Intention, Leadership
A few weeks ago, I watched Biden and Harris take office and was especially struck by a comment in Biden’s inaugural address, “Take a measure of me and my heart. If you still disagree, so be it. That’s democracy. That’s America. The right to dissent peaceably within the guardrails of our republic is perhaps our nation’s greatest strength.”
“Take a measure of me and my heart.”
His words stunned me. First because it feels so good to have leadership again. And second, because it feels so good to have leadership with heart. I believe we do.
Our world needs more leadership with heart. It’s what I’ve come to call “wholehearted leadership,” to borrow one of Brene Brown’s coined phrases. It was in reading her book, “Gifts of Imperfection,” that I first heard that phrase ten years ago. I strive to live it in my work and life. And I look for it in others. It’s so deeply satisfying and fulfilling to see it in action…
- Cultivate authenticity and let go of what other people think
- Cultivate self-compassion and let go of perfectionism
- Cultivate our resilient spirit and let go of numbing and powerlessness
- Cultivate gratitude and joy and let go of scarcity and fear of the dark
- Cultivate intuition and faith and let go of the need for certainty
- Cultivate creativity and let go of comparison
- Cultivate play and rest and let go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self-worth
- Cultivate calm and stillness and let go of anxiety as a lifestyle
- Cultivate meaningful work and let go of self-doubt and “supposed to”
- Cultivate laughter, song, and dance and let go of “cool” and always in control
– Brene Brown’s 10 Guideposts for Wholehearted Living
These affirmations hang in my office as a reminder of how I want to love, live, and lead in the world. It’s about showing up with vulnerability – owning who you are and letting others see you. It only took me a few decades to learn this…and it’s a forever journey. It requires great intentionality, practice, and loads of courage…Every. Single. Day.
I remember the first time I learned about vulnerability as a leader. I was 30 years old and in a leadership development program where I had been paired with an executive coach. Part of her guidance encouraged me to become more vulnerable as a leader. I had an instant, visceral reaction to her words. I cringed, remembering my mom and what she taught me as a young girl. I told my coach, “My mama did NOT teach me to be vulnerable!”
I imagined sitting across from my mom and sharing with her what I learned at leadership school. I could see her plain as day…sitting across from me, arms tightly crossed, and giving me a furrowed, disapproving stare. Growing up in my home, any thoughts of vulnerability were considered weak, and I was taught to show anything but that:
Be strong!
Never let ‘em see you sweat (or cry)
Hold your cards close to the vest
I don’t think either of my parents intended this, but what they taught me around vulnerability – to guard against it – caused me to show up as a leader rigid, aloof, and less approachable. It took me nearly two decades to undo.
I see this same resolve in leaders I coach today, especially female leaders. To get ahead, we develop armor…a shell to protect us, we put forth an image of steel, as in “I have this under control” and “I’ve got it all together.” Inside we may be quaking, but the external world will never know it. We take it own, carry the load, and ‘grin and bear it.’ Years and decades pass. We become someone we don’t know anymore….or worse, someone we don’t even like.
“Take a measure of me and my heart,” Biden says.
This is a reminder to us all to put down our armor, come out from behind our shields, open our hearts and let others see our humanity.
Hi, I’m Jeanie Duncan. I work with individuals and organizations as a transformation partner to help them unlock their Truth, discover authentic value, and create meaningful impact in the world. I believe when we are truly aligned with our purpose, we can live and perform at our highest potential. With over 25 years of experience as an executive, CEO, consultant, coach, and writer, I offer strategic, knowledgeable, and experienced guidance for those who are ready to take the courageous leap toward true transformation.
Dec 11, 2020 | Authenticity, Intention, Truth
When I began writing my book, I decided it would be informed not only by my own life experiences, but also those of many others. I put together a plan and timeline, began writing, and started the interviews.
Nice, neat, and tidy, right? As soon as I got started, I quickly realized this wasn’t going to be the orderly, paced project I had designed. My strategic, linear mind was clearly not going to have her way. Truth work is anything but a straight line…both the processing of my own and the witnessing and interpreting of others’.
Being with someone who’s sharing their personal story of knowing and living their truth is sacred. It’s mind blowing and heart wakening – a bearing witness to one’s humanity and soul. It’s not an “interview;” it’s a sacred conversation.
When planning out this work, I had no idea the gift I would receive in bearing witness to others in their openness, struggle, loss, joy, and deepest vulnerability. I hold it in the utmost trust. I get to do this work.
And about that plan and timeline of mine…I’m doing my best to stay on course and meet the necessary deadlines. I’m also learning to be open and allow the beautiful connection with others to be my guide. Whenever the battle brews between my heart and head – as it often does – may my heart prevail.
Hi, I’m Jeanie Duncan. I work with individuals and organizations as a transformation partner to help them unlock their Truth, discover authentic value, and create meaningful impact in the world. I believe when we are truly aligned with our purpose, we can live and perform at our highest potential. With over 25 years of experience as an executive, CEO, consultant, coach, and writer, I offer strategic, knowledgeable, and experienced guidance for those who are ready to take the courageous leap toward true transformation.
