I Got This! Creating a life of choice, resonance, and flow

I Got This! Creating a life of choice, resonance, and flow

Nov 6, 2014 | Authenticity, Intention

Paddling in a kayak through calm sunset waters

I spoke at an executive women’s conference recently where the program centered around the theme of  “Having it All.” Speakers and panelists offered perspectives on this topic that ranged from myth to miracle.

Often, when I hear people talk about “having it all,” the conversation is about volume…as in “super-size” me. I get this image of a caped super-human individual with the mystic powers to be a deeply devoted parent, put in 12-hours at the office, work out at the gym, manage the household, and get a full night’s rest. I don’t buy in to this steel facade of “I got this! I can do it all and have it all.” Maybe this can occur in the short-term, but it’s certainly not a sustainable nor fulfilling way to live.

What if this idea of “having it all” is instead about abundance and our making the choice to focus on what’s most important in our life? What if we paid more attention to managing our energy around what we most value, versus managing our time around our responsibilities and endless task lists. And that “I got this!” is about being an infinitely creative and resourceful human being, with both a deep internal well and rich connections and resources surrounding and supporting us.

Especially as women, it’s my sense is that we put this unrealistic expectation on ourselves to try and do it all, or worse yet, we must do it all to be successful. And we wait too long to raise our hand and ask for support. We wait until we’ve gone too far – we’ve burned ourselves out in our job, our relationships are beyond repair, we experience significant health issues, and we find ourselves completely exhausted. It’s often only then that we stop and wonder what happened.

Each of us has our own unique circumstances and resources in life. The key is to intentionally acknowledge and leverage them. I believe it comes down to three simple elements: choice, resonance, and flow.

Choice – Whether you consciously choose or not, you’re making a choice every moment. Each of us is in control of our personal choice. Why not take charge and own it? As an executive coach, I guide clients in personal visioning and planning similar to the way they typically approach this exercise within the workplace. In business, we plan – business plans, financial plans, strategic plans – but personally, we don’t often take time to reflect and think intentionally about our future.

For a moment, envision yourself five years from now, living the most fulfilled life you can imagine. What would it be like to create your vision, define your personal mission, and develop an action plan to get there? Whether you take this kind of approach or not, you are exercising choice. It takes conscious practice and commitment to choose a path of fulfillment.

Resonance – When I think of resonance, I think of depth and alignment. You know when you have it – resonance – and when you don’t – dissonance. It starts with knowing your core values. Values, like a keel, are the shape of your life beneath the surface that keeps you on course. Without it, you drift and shift directions with the wind. Another way to examine this is to ask, “What makes you tick? What are the must have’s in your life?” Mine are: connection, adventure, creativity, nature, wellness, spirituality, and independence. Know yours, and when you feel adrift it’s a place to look. 

Flow – Just like it sounds, flow is about energy and movement. Webster’s defines it “To proceed smoothly and readily, steadily and easily.” Flow is about taking each moment as it comes and being within it, allowing the energy and emotion to move through you. It is within this that we are provided our guidance. When things in your life feel “off,” usually there’s something interfering with this natural flow.

These three simple elements of choice, resonance, and flow can be quite challenging in actual practice. For example:

  • I get wrapped up in my day-to-day busyness and priorities and forget I have choice.
  • Business travel picks up, the schedule is intense, and I forget to honor my core values. Very quickly, I feel the dissonance – I’m in overdrive, I get tired, and I don’t make time for important things like getting enough rest and working out.
  • When I have a presentation to make, I sometimes gravitate to a podium where I feel safe relying on my note cards. Quickly, I get too focused on following my outline and fail to be open and connect with my audience. Goodbye flow.

The reality is that you don’t wake up one morning and say, “I need more choice, resonance, and flow in my life.” Instead, you wake up and you’re burned out, exhausted, unhappy, wandering, or stuck. This is how it shows up. Yet, when you peel back the layers, these outcomes often result from not exercising our choice, not being in resonance with what matters most, and failing to allow your true self to flow.

“Having it all” is about choice and knowing that we are naturally creative, resourceful, and whole human beings. Having it all is not shouldering it all yourself. It’s about knowing you have all you need to achieve everything you desire both within you and within your immediate grasp.

 

Read other related blog posts:

Whole Life Balance – Creating Flow and Alignment

 

brick closeAbout Jeanie Duncan: Jeanie is President of Raven Consulting Group, a business she founded that focuses on organizational change and leadership development in the nonprofit sector. She is a senior consultant for Raffa, a national firm working with nonprofit clients to lead efforts in sustainability and succession planning, executive transition and search. Additionally, Jeanie serves as adjunct faculty for the Center for Creative Leadership, a top-ranked, global provider of executive leadership education.

Whole Life Balance – Creating Flow and Alignment

Whole Life Balance – Creating Flow and Alignment

Sep 2, 2014 | Intention

I remember elementary school and “field day” each year in the late spring. I looked forward to it with great anticipation. We’d have team relay races – three-legged, potato sack, egg-and-spoon – and then the best event of all…tug of war.

Silhouette, group of happy children playing on meadow, sunset, summertime

We’d grab the rope with our sweaty fists, grit our teeth, dig our heels in, and go to it. Tugging ferociously to and fro, sometimes the battle was quickly won and other times it seemed to go on forever until one team succumbed to the other, often getting drug to the dusty ground and across the line.

I may have liked this challenge on the playground, but it certainly is not the experience I want coming alive in my real life. Yet, sometimes it happens – mostly when I’m torn between competing priorities of work, family, community, and self. I feel “up against it” trying to manage and balance the many priorities and expectations.

Much like Elizabeth – the nonprofit executive portrayed in the attached article “Yes, You CAN Balance Work and Family Roles” – I experience the tension between consuming work responsibilities and my other life roles. This was especially true for me while serving in various leadership roles in the nonprofit sector, most recently as President & CEO of an arts council.

Early on in that position, I didn’t know any other way to be than “always on.” I thought, “If I’m not thinking about the organization, who is?” I constantly assessed, planned, strategized, and engaged my team and stakeholders. I knew the importance and necessity of being the face of the organization, a presence at local arts and cultural events during evenings and weekends, and “at the table” with other critical community leaders.

At home, I had a 4-year-old son, a spouse with an equally demanding career, and aging parents that needed my increasing attention and support. For years, I served in this complex and demanding role, often recalling the field day memories of tugging to meet all the demands while aiming for balance among my life’s personal and professional interplay.

Nearly a decade later, I completed my tenure with the organization. Between leaving that post and starting my own business, I decided to take a sabbatical. I wanted to clear my head, explore creative pursuits, and allow myself the space and time to renew my energy, be with friends and family, and shape what would come next.

During this time off, I learned that, while successful, the way in which I led was not a sustainable practice. Going forward, I committed to living a more realistic pace, adjusting my expectations of myself (and others), and more fully honoring my core values.

waterfall balance

Courtney Welch, Inspired by Movement

For me, work-life balance is more about creating and managing flow than literally attempting to divide up and assign the number of hours in a day to the important activities of life. If something I’m doing has positive impact and gives me energy, then I have this sense of resonance and ease – regardless of the actual hours I’ve spent doing it. My life feels aligned, or “in balance.” This allows me to channel that energy into taking care of what’s important to me – both at work and outside of work.

Finding a workable approach to life is critical and can benefit your well-being, relationships, and the organization you serve. This article – “Yes, You CAN Balance Work and Family Roles” – offers five steps that can help you start today to create a more fulfilling life for yourself. We’d love to hear what’s working for you to create work-life balance.

 

Read other related blog posts:

I Got This! Creating a Life of Choice, Resonance, and Flow

 

about-leadershipAbout Jeanie Duncan: Jeanie is President of Raven Consulting Group, a business she founded that focuses on organizational change and leadership development in the nonprofit sector. She is a senior consultant for Raffa, a national firm working with nonprofit clients to lead efforts in sustainability and succession planning, executive transition and search. Additionally, Jeanie serves as adjunct faculty for the Center for Creative Leadership, a top-ranked, global provider of executive leadership education.