Jul 19, 2024 | Authenticity, Author, Career, Courage, Gratitude, Truth, Vulnerability
Actually, I’m not really sure it was “mini.” I just need to type that to get up enough courage to tell you this story.
If I’m honest, I crashed on December 16, 2022. After 18 months of writing and re-writing, I had just published my first book, “Choosing Me: The Journey Home to My True Self.” Through that stretch, every day I’d wake up early to write for a few hours before work, serve my clients all day, and then write for hours more. I felt like I was working 24–7 for a multi–marathon stretch.
While there were parts of the experience I loved, the literary birthing process was a true labor…and exhausting. Not to mention, as a memoir, the book was a deep emotional excavating of leaving my 25+ year marriage, coming out, and a tough, visceral exploration of my mother–daughter relationship. Expressing my story in the public realm was a raw exercise in vulnerability.
As a daughter of strong, enterprising parents, I wasn’t raised to be vulnerable. I learned to hold my cards close and not let others “see me sweat.” This upbringing, while wonderful in many ways, also conditioned me to be cool and calm on the outside despite the stress and overwhelm I often carried on the inside. Over my career, as a driven leader and business owner, I’ve kept a strong façade and taken on things when I should’ve said “no” or asked for help. Such was the case in December 2022. I wish I’d done both, but I didn’t. So, my body spoke for me.
I remember the day like it was yesterday. It was a Friday afternoon, and I had just wrapped up the work week. My wife, Lyn, came upstairs in our home office the same moment I came down. One look into her face, and I crumbled to the floor and burst into tears sobbing, physically trembling, and trying to breathe. I’d never had a panic attack before, but I’m quite sure I did in that moment. I felt out of control.
Looking back, this was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Mostly, I’m thankful that my body woke me up this way instead of something much worse. Until that moment, I didn’t know how to stop. I didn’t know how to rest. I didn’t feel like I could turn down client engagements and wasn’t as skillful in seeking partnership and accessing my resources. Now I know, and I do.
Since that day, slowly and steadily I began living a new way…a new life. I learned that I can slow down and my world won’t come crashing down. In fact, it’s when I don’t that it does. I stopped reaching for some arbitrary benchmark outside myself to give me permission to live a healthier and whole life. I still work hard. I’m still driven. My business is full and thriving. And more than anything, it’s life giving and fulfilling.
Gone are the days of scheduling myself wall-to-wall, leaving no white space on my calendar, boarding an airplane 30-40 weeks a year, waking up and trying to remember what city I’m in. I don’t pull near all-nighters obsessively preparing for client work the next day. In fact, I’m not quite sure why I ever did. From where I sit today, I hardly recognize that old self.
Reflecting back, I can see things that enticed that insanity. There was a kind of high, like a runner’s high, that came from the race. There was a deep satisfaction of achievement in doing the work and supporting clients in navigating the volatility and uncertainty of their worlds. And I’m sure that there was a degree of proving to myself and others that I could do it, and even make it look easy.
I told myself that I loved it (and believed it). I assured my wife, “I got this!”—especially when she was experiencing her own Covid wipeout and career reinvention. A responsibility gene kicked in, and I was my own Atlas. Why did I create this internal myth, swelling into some kind of unsustainable savior?
It’s important to me to share this story. Too often, I keep my real and gritty life buttoned up, presenting instead the “put together,” shiny parts of myself. But that behavior is the same that led to the crash. We appear to be these superhumans, conditioned by our patriarchal society we live in to strive, achieve, produce, and earn. And at what cost? It’s time to challenge and dismantle these structures, starting with our own values, beliefs, and actions.
In the newly released audiobook, “Choosing Me: The Journey Home to My True Self,” I have a heart–to–heart conversation in the Bonus Author Interview with Lyn about what it takes to know and live your true self. We talk about this experience and others, reflecting on our journey since publishing my book in November 2022. I hope you’ll grab a copy and let me know what you think!
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Jeanie Duncan is an edge walking transformation partner helping individuals and organizations align with their values, discover their core purpose, and create meaningful impact in the world. Her avenues for doing this work are executive coaching, team coaching, keynote speaking, program facilitation, and organizational consulting. For more information, contact Jeanie here.
Jun 22, 2021 | Entrepreneurship, Gratitude, Leadership
My dad was a gentle giant – not physically, but figuratively speaking in his heart, spirit, and all-around “way.” There was nothing he couldn’t do. I lost him to Alzheimer’s a couple of years ago. It’s such a dreadful disease – slowly chipping away at your loved one until they’re only a shell of who they once were. You’re stuck grieving your loved one while they’re still living. In his slow ten-year fade, we found joy in going on long walks where we’d talk about all the things. I’d seek his business advice, and he would teach me through his stories.
My mom and dad were business owners – both farming and a retail jewelry business. They had a jewelry store in the city, and later moved it into our home, where dad designed and created custom fine jewelry, while mom took care of customers and the finances. I still smile today thinking about how these two enterprises couldn’t be more different from one another, yet they so perfectly reflected who he was: artist, builder, nature lover, enterpriser. He’d go from wrangling cows and horses by day to delivering his beautiful and intricate jewelry designs for customers in the evenings.
I was the youngest of three kids, and we all worked in the businesses, from chores of taking care of the farm animals and the property to stringing pearl necklaces and sorting gemstones. Like most kids, I didn’t realize it then, but I was absorbing so many lessons and shaping qualities that would later serve me well.
It’s in starting and running my own business that I think of my dad most today and feel his influence. He served as a huge impetus. I could write so much about him, but I’ll stick with my “Dad’s (half) Dozen” for now. It’s these qualities that made him such a beautiful human being, encouraging mentor, and humble, effective leader…for which I’m so grateful.
Dad’s (half) Dozen
- Possibility: The quote, “If you can dream it, you can do it” is attributed to Walt Disney, but it could just as easily be my dad. The man knew no limitations and believed that anything was possible. He started with nothing (in fact less than nothing) and built businesses, made an abundant life for his family, and taught us that we could do the same.
- Creativity: I so appreciate and value the creative human being my dad was – jewelry designer, landscape architect, master gardener, home and barn builder, and more. If he saw something he wanted or something he desired for his family, he went after it, most always doing the design and work himself.
- Knowledge: Building on his creativity and infinite resourcefulness, if there was something he wanted and didn’t know how to do it, he learned how and made it happen. It seemed like there was nothing he couldn’t do. I remember the time he put in a lake on our farm. A natural stream ran through our property, and he’d always wanted a lake. So, he drew up the plans for it, bought a backhoe and bulldozer, built it, then sold the equipment for more than he paid for it. And best of all, he stocked it with bass, brim, and catfish which made for hours of fun fishing from our paddleboat. My dad…
- Perseverance and Grit: Dad was ambitious and enterprising and knew that success came with pure hard (and smart) work and the ability to stick with it through all the ups and downs. I couple these two because it makes me think of Angela Duckworth’s book, “Grit: the power of passion and perseverance.” It describes my dad to a “T.” In it, she defines the key characteristics of courage, conscientiousness, long-term goals and endurance, resilience, and excellence. Ok…if I could only have one of dad’s traits, it might be this one!
- Relationships: In life and work, my parents were all about relationships. “We do business with those who do business with us,” they would often say. They built a great following of customers with this mantra and generously cultivated loyalty. On our farm, we had a small but prolific orchard of pecan, apple, and peach trees, a vegetable garden, and several dozen rose bushes. Every week, dad would harvest whatever was in season, arrange vases and gift bags, and make their “Friday rounds” delivering gifts to clients, customers, and vendors. He was famous for it!
- Courage: One of my favorite quotes comes from John Wayne, who was adored by my father, “Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway.” This should have been on display in dad’s store; I remember him most for this kind of boldness. I’m sure he had plenty of doubts and was even terrified at times, but he did all the work, he trusted, and took the leap. And without ever saying a word, he taught me how to do the same.
Hi, I’m Jeanie Duncan. I work with individuals and organizations as a transformation partner to help them unlock their Truth, discover authentic value, and create meaningful impact in the world. I believe when we are truly aligned with our purpose, we can live and perform at our highest potential. With over 25 years of experience as an executive, CEO, consultant, and coach, I offer strategic, knowledgeable, and experienced guidance for those who are ready to take the courageous leap toward true transformation.
Jun 18, 2021 | Career, Entrepreneurship, Gratitude
2021 marks the 10-year anniversary for my business, and I’m feeling such a sense of gratitude and celebration with this milestone.
Reaching double digits
There’s something about being in business for a decade that makes me feel real and legit. Not in the way of “I need someone or something to make me feel legitimate,” but rather legitimacy that’s derived from deep satisfaction of sustaining and thriving doing the work I most love to do with the clients I love working with. I get to do this! …on my own terms
I appreciate the perspective of Tim Ferris, author of “The 4-Hour Workweek.” He offers that living the dream isn’t about waiting to retire to live the life you want to live, but instead, consider: What work would you do if you could never retire? What life would you live if retirement wasn’t an option?
My answer? Exactly the work and life I’m living right now.
What I’m proudest of
As my years as a business owner add up, I know that I’m living my purpose. I wake up every day feeling honored that I get to help organizations and their leaders know and live theirs. I’ve intentionally designed a business model with services that get to the core of a client’s purpose, mission, and values, and help them deploy their gifts in the world. Idyllic? Maybe. And what I know for sure…it’s impactful beyond measure.
Heaps of gratitude
I could fill countless gratitude journals about the experience of business ownership and how it feeds my soul. For starters, I’m most grateful for…
- Unending support from friends and family.
- Awesome clients from whom I learn so much and who entrust me as their partner.
- Affiliations and partnerships with organizations I respect and enjoy working with.
- Learning more about who I am and the imprint I most want to have in the world.
- Recognizing the abundance of the universe – there’s a stream that constantly provides (even when lean), and I learn to trust walk and know I’m held by this power and light.
- Generosity and a community of peer colleagues around the world.
Savoring the celebration
Turning 10 is a big awesome deal! I’m excited to relish in it and share some of the peak moments with you here on my blog – successes, failures, lessons learned, and stories of my rock star clients Stay tuned!
Hi, I’m Jeanie Duncan. I work with individuals and organizations as a transformation partner to help them unlock their Truth, discover authentic value, and create meaningful impact in the world. I believe when we are truly aligned with our purpose, we can live and perform at our highest potential. With over 25 years of experience as an executive, CEO, consultant, and coach, I offer strategic, knowledgeable, and experienced guidance for those who are ready to take the courageous leap toward true transformation.
