Jul 19, 2024 | Authenticity, Author, Career, Courage, Gratitude, Truth, Vulnerability
Actually, I’m not really sure it was “mini.” I just need to type that to get up enough courage to tell you this story.
If I’m honest, I crashed on December 16, 2022. After 18 months of writing and re-writing, I had just published my first book, “Choosing Me: The Journey Home to My True Self.” Through that stretch, every day I’d wake up early to write for a few hours before work, serve my clients all day, and then write for hours more. I felt like I was working 24–7 for a multi–marathon stretch.
While there were parts of the experience I loved, the literary birthing process was a true labor…and exhausting. Not to mention, as a memoir, the book was a deep emotional excavating of leaving my 25+ year marriage, coming out, and a tough, visceral exploration of my mother–daughter relationship. Expressing my story in the public realm was a raw exercise in vulnerability.
As a daughter of strong, enterprising parents, I wasn’t raised to be vulnerable. I learned to hold my cards close and not let others “see me sweat.” This upbringing, while wonderful in many ways, also conditioned me to be cool and calm on the outside despite the stress and overwhelm I often carried on the inside. Over my career, as a driven leader and business owner, I’ve kept a strong façade and taken on things when I should’ve said “no” or asked for help. Such was the case in December 2022. I wish I’d done both, but I didn’t. So, my body spoke for me.
I remember the day like it was yesterday. It was a Friday afternoon, and I had just wrapped up the work week. My wife, Lyn, came upstairs in our home office the same moment I came down. One look into her face, and I crumbled to the floor and burst into tears sobbing, physically trembling, and trying to breathe. I’d never had a panic attack before, but I’m quite sure I did in that moment. I felt out of control.
Looking back, this was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Mostly, I’m thankful that my body woke me up this way instead of something much worse. Until that moment, I didn’t know how to stop. I didn’t know how to rest. I didn’t feel like I could turn down client engagements and wasn’t as skillful in seeking partnership and accessing my resources. Now I know, and I do.
Since that day, slowly and steadily I began living a new way…a new life. I learned that I can slow down and my world won’t come crashing down. In fact, it’s when I don’t that it does. I stopped reaching for some arbitrary benchmark outside myself to give me permission to live a healthier and whole life. I still work hard. I’m still driven. My business is full and thriving. And more than anything, it’s life giving and fulfilling.
Gone are the days of scheduling myself wall-to-wall, leaving no white space on my calendar, boarding an airplane 30-40 weeks a year, waking up and trying to remember what city I’m in. I don’t pull near all-nighters obsessively preparing for client work the next day. In fact, I’m not quite sure why I ever did. From where I sit today, I hardly recognize that old self.
Reflecting back, I can see things that enticed that insanity. There was a kind of high, like a runner’s high, that came from the race. There was a deep satisfaction of achievement in doing the work and supporting clients in navigating the volatility and uncertainty of their worlds. And I’m sure that there was a degree of proving to myself and others that I could do it, and even make it look easy.
I told myself that I loved it (and believed it). I assured my wife, “I got this!”—especially when she was experiencing her own Covid wipeout and career reinvention. A responsibility gene kicked in, and I was my own Atlas. Why did I create this internal myth, swelling into some kind of unsustainable savior?
It’s important to me to share this story. Too often, I keep my real and gritty life buttoned up, presenting instead the “put together,” shiny parts of myself. But that behavior is the same that led to the crash. We appear to be these superhumans, conditioned by our patriarchal society we live in to strive, achieve, produce, and earn. And at what cost? It’s time to challenge and dismantle these structures, starting with our own values, beliefs, and actions.
In the newly released audiobook, “Choosing Me: The Journey Home to My True Self,” I have a heart–to–heart conversation in the Bonus Author Interview with Lyn about what it takes to know and live your true self. We talk about this experience and others, reflecting on our journey since publishing my book in November 2022. I hope you’ll grab a copy and let me know what you think!
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Jeanie Duncan is an edge walking transformation partner helping individuals and organizations align with their values, discover their core purpose, and create meaningful impact in the world. Her avenues for doing this work are executive coaching, team coaching, keynote speaking, program facilitation, and organizational consulting. For more information, contact Jeanie here.
Jun 18, 2021 | Career, Entrepreneurship, Gratitude
2021 marks the 10-year anniversary for my business, and I’m feeling such a sense of gratitude and celebration with this milestone.
Reaching double digits
There’s something about being in business for a decade that makes me feel real and legit. Not in the way of “I need someone or something to make me feel legitimate,” but rather legitimacy that’s derived from deep satisfaction of sustaining and thriving doing the work I most love to do with the clients I love working with. I get to do this! …on my own terms
I appreciate the perspective of Tim Ferris, author of “The 4-Hour Workweek.” He offers that living the dream isn’t about waiting to retire to live the life you want to live, but instead, consider: What work would you do if you could never retire? What life would you live if retirement wasn’t an option?
My answer? Exactly the work and life I’m living right now.
What I’m proudest of
As my years as a business owner add up, I know that I’m living my purpose. I wake up every day feeling honored that I get to help organizations and their leaders know and live theirs. I’ve intentionally designed a business model with services that get to the core of a client’s purpose, mission, and values, and help them deploy their gifts in the world. Idyllic? Maybe. And what I know for sure…it’s impactful beyond measure.
Heaps of gratitude
I could fill countless gratitude journals about the experience of business ownership and how it feeds my soul. For starters, I’m most grateful for…
- Unending support from friends and family.
- Awesome clients from whom I learn so much and who entrust me as their partner.
- Affiliations and partnerships with organizations I respect and enjoy working with.
- Learning more about who I am and the imprint I most want to have in the world.
- Recognizing the abundance of the universe – there’s a stream that constantly provides (even when lean), and I learn to trust walk and know I’m held by this power and light.
- Generosity and a community of peer colleagues around the world.
Savoring the celebration
Turning 10 is a big awesome deal! I’m excited to relish in it and share some of the peak moments with you here on my blog – successes, failures, lessons learned, and stories of my rock star clients Stay tuned!
Hi, I’m Jeanie Duncan. I work with individuals and organizations as a transformation partner to help them unlock their Truth, discover authentic value, and create meaningful impact in the world. I believe when we are truly aligned with our purpose, we can live and perform at our highest potential. With over 25 years of experience as an executive, CEO, consultant, and coach, I offer strategic, knowledgeable, and experienced guidance for those who are ready to take the courageous leap toward true transformation.
Sep 29, 2014 | Career, Coaching, Leadership
I believe deeply in the value and impact of coaching. Yet in my work, I’ve discovered that many people have never had a coaching relationship and aren’t quite sure what to expect. I would like to share more about leadership coaching, possibly dispel some myths, and offer perspective about when it might be right for you.
One way I like to think of leadership coaching as similar to how an elite athlete uses a coach. A good coach helps leaders develop clarity of purpose and focus on action. The relationship is a formal engagement in which a qualified coach works with an organizational leader in a series of dynamic, confidential sessions designed to establish and achieve clear goals that result in improved effectiveness for the individual, and often for his or her team and organization.
And to better understand what coaching is, it can be helpful to briefly highlight what coaching is not:
- Counseling or therapy, which is focused on insight into history, psychological healing, pain resolution, and coping mechanisms.
- Consulting, where a consultant offers external expertise to assess, analyze, and offer technical advice or recommendations to solve a particular problem or challenge.
- Training, with the intended outcome to impart knowledge from an expert to a student where the student gains or sharpens specific skills.
Every coaching relationship is unique due to the specific situation of the person seeking coaching and the coach’s approach. However, there are some key elements you can expect with the engagement.
Contracting – This refers to everything that’s involved in setting up the actual coaching relationship and the overall process, from when and how often to meet, whether you’ll meet in-person, by phone or other virtual platforms, to fee structure and billing, and how to handle appointment scheduling and changes.
Boundaries and Confidentiality – This includes such elements as how information is handled (confidentiality and report expectations) and how the coaching relationship fits into the existing network of relationships. Information provided by the client is kept strictly confidential except as otherwise authorized in writing by the client. For example, the coach and client may agree that the goals or results of the coaching work can be reported to his/her boss or other organizational representative. Also, the coach may support the client in preparation of reports he/she makes to a boss or other stakeholder.
Mutual Role Clarity – A primary value your coach brings is helping you decide and act more effectively, not thinking or deciding for you. Your coach will be an ally, supporter, and sounding board. You can expect him/her to be direct and honest, asking powerful questions and making empowering requests that support your desired outcome. As the client, you’ll get the most from your coaching relationship if you show up engaged, willing to examine yourself – your values, beliefs, behaviors, and impact, and are open to make changes necessary to become more effective. Its important to realize that coaching is a comprehensive process that takes time and may address any area of your life, including specific career aspirations, business projects, leadership, or personal topics such as finances, health, and relationships. Even if your coaching engagement is formed in a professional work context, you bring your full self to the experience and therefore “whole life” is taken into account.
I first hired a coach when I was considering applying for a top leadership position in my organization. I wanted to pursue the opportunity and felt I needed a partner with whom to review it from all angles – someone removed from the situation, who would ask me thought-provoking questions, and help me confirm that I was the right person at the right time.
Since that first experience, I’ve hired coaches over the years and now make it a part of my ongoing personal and professional development to retain a coach. The following are some situations where a coach can be particularly helpful:
- You and your organization are experiencing significant change and transition.
- Your organization is not growing as you believe it could.
- You’re unclear on where you need or want to be in five years.
- You’re experiencing increased complexity in your role and organization.
- You seek a confidential, safe space where you can express concerns and challenges.
- You are working too hard for the results you’re getting.
- Stress is taking toll on your health and relationships.
- You’re not spending time on the most productive tasks.
- You haven’t been able to build a great team you trust and that works well together.
- You’re not enjoying your work as much as you once did.
- You struggle with whole life balance.
Using a leadership coach as a developmental partner provides a rich opportunity to learn, reflect, change, and grow. Like any relationship, it’s important to know what to expect and to co-create a constructive alliance. Through your work together, you develop the skills, behaviors, and knowledge enabling you to increase your effectiveness.
About Jeanie Duncan: Jeanie is President of Raven Consulting Group, a business she founded that focuses on organizational change and leadership development in the nonprofit sector. She is a senior consultant for Raffa, a national firm working with nonprofit clients to lead efforts in sustainability and succession planning, executive transition and search. Additionally, Jeanie serves as adjunct faculty for the Center for Creative Leadership, a top-ranked, global provider of executive leadership education.
Aug 27, 2013 | Career, Coaching
I am a coach today because I’ve experienced coaching’s transformative power in my own life.
Over my career, I’ve worked with several coaches. I’ve hired them for career and leadership related priorities, but every time the impact of the coaching has been much farther-reaching, affecting me deeply as a whole person.
I remember the first time I hired a coach – I was contemplating a critical career move, pursuing the President and CEO position of a large nonprofit arts organization. At the time, I was director of development for the organization, a position I had held for several years. I was really excited about the opportunity; I felt ready for it, and the timing seemed right to me. But before making my thoughts known to my organization’s board and others, I wanted to be sure I was the right person for the job.
Because I was already internal to the organization, I knew how important it was for it to have the ideal leader who would bring great energy, fresh perspective, and new ideas. I wanted to test my assumptions that I was that person. At the time, I didn’t really know exactly what a coach did or how one would approach his or her work. I just knew that I needed a professional with whom to brainstorm confidentially—someone who could help me work through my critical career decision.
My coach listened to my story and asked a lot of questions. Her probing peeled back the layers and made me think of this transition, my readiness, and fit in ways I hadn’t previously…and wouldn’t have been able to do alone. I liked how she stretched and challenged me. It wasn’t simply what I thought, but why I held my thoughts and beliefs, and the impact of the actions I took based on those ideas.
The questions my coach asked seemed so simple, yet they were powerful and razor-sharp. Have you ever had an experience that made your head spin? This is what I remember about these encounters: I’d leave the session and need to sit in my car awhile before I could drive away. The shift she helped me create was profound.
After a few sessions, I confirmed my decision to pursue the opportunity, and in 2003 I was appointed to the position of President and CEO. It was exhilarating! I loved my new venture, and I went to work eagerly on my vision and goals for leading this great community organization.
About six months into my new role, I felt myself searching for a strategy partner – someone who could be a sounding board for my big dreams and ideas, as well as my frustrations, fears, and uncertainties. I wanted someone I could really trust and be vulnerable without fear. I had truly begun to understand the cliché, “It’s lonely at the top.” I could count on three fingers the number of people in whom I could confide. And none were quite who I needed to challenge and stretch me and to hold me accountable. So, for the second time in my career, I hired a coach.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.” –Marianne Williamson
I remember the relief I felt when I found my new coach. With him, I didn’t have to be careful with my words, politically correct, or worried about what I said. It was completely freeing…and deeply empowering. He didn’t give me advice, problem-solve, or tell me what to do. But rather, my coach was my partner, posing thought-provoking questions and encouraging me to tap into my own inner wisdom and sense of knowing for direction. It was like an intense workout to develop new muscle.
I worked with him for about a year, and then asked for his help again years later when I made the decision to step down from my position. I knew I had completed what I set out to do in the role, but I wasn’t sure what I most wanted to do next. In working with my coach, I decided to take a year off to clear my mind, explore creative pursuits, and simply relax and play. It gave me much-needed time and space to ‘incubate’ what would come next.
During this year off I began to shape my own business. When I freed up my “internal hard drive,” I realized more clearly what I loved most and wanted to do. I had derived great satisfaction from helping organizations and their leaders tackle tough business issues, crises, and transitions. In my work, I often had been called upon to help nonprofit organizations with challenging matters related to funding, personnel, governance, and programming. I reflected on my best work in assessing and navigating the complexity of these uncertain and often turbulent situations and inter-relationships. My coach helped me see that this work I’d been doing—and really enjoying—was organizational and individual coaching.
I proceeded to complete training and certification through the Coaches Training Institute (CTI), the largest and oldest coach training organization in the world. Coaching is a core part of my business today because of my own personal experience in working with a coach and my passion for helping others navigate their challenges and opportunities and realize their greatest potential. I continue to experience coaching’s transformative power in my life, and I am gratified to see its impact on my clients. I can think of no greater joy.
About Jeanie Duncan: Jeanie is President of Raven Consulting Group, a business she founded that focuses on organizational change and leadership development in the nonprofit sector. She is a senior consultant for Raffa, a national firm working with nonprofit clients to lead efforts in sustainability and succession planning, executive transition and search. Additionally, Jeanie serves as adjunct faculty for the Center for Creative Leadership, a top-ranked, global provider of executive leadership education.
Jan 19, 2012 | Career
I had the pleasure last week of organizing and moderating a panel presentation to Greensboro’s Women’s Professional Forum: “Navigating Your Career with Intention: knowing when to make a change and having the courage to leap.” Michelle Clark, Laurelyn Dossett, and Kathy Ridge came together sharing their personal journey of career transition.
Both Michelle and Kathy are former corporate executives who now have launched their own independent endeavors: Michelle, as a soon-to-be published author, and Kathy as founder of her own consulting practice. Laurelyn has followed her lifelong passion of music, becoming an acclaimed musician, singer, and songwriter.
Their stories revealed the underlying currents that sparked a change in direction, propelled them to action, and gave them courage to close one chapter and open a new one.
While each was unique, the collection of experiences shared presented gems of commonality:
- Live awake. We all have an internal compass that will guide us if we simply pay attention. And listen.
- Know who you are. This is not about the various roles each of us serves, but rather, “who am I, really?” Allow this and your core values to drive you.
- Live with the end in mind. We all have a story to tell. How will yours end? What mark will you leave? How does this guide you in the present moment?
- Living your life with purpose and intention starts with one small step. What step will you take today? Tomorrow?
- Believe in yourself and your own best work. Unconditionally.
Jul 1, 2011 | Career
A good friend and colleague once said to me, “You should always consider yourself ‘on the market.’” She offered this in the context of a conversation we were having about job searching, and the thoughts of beginning a search as if it’s an “event” – like a switch you flip or trigger you pull.
Job searching is a daunting process with a long list of tasks: revise resume, update Linked In, connect with your network, search the internet, prepare for interviews, and so on. Yet, if you embrace a mind shift and always think of yourself in marketing terms – product, supply, demand, audience – it removes some of that pressure.
Consider for a moment: If you’re perpetually ‘on the market,’ it implies you are ‘at the ready’ and poised for opportunities. Shouldn’t we all be? Afterall, if you don’t continually refine and sharpen your unique attributes, present and market yourself, who will? You are your #1 agent and champion. Position yourself as such.
– Refine your resume and have it ready for the right opportunity. Perhaps this is something you do annually or biannually, associated with your performance review.
– Maintain an updated Linked In, complete with the key words and phrases to showcase your attributes and attract your desired opportunity and direction.
– Be a serial networker, building relationships to develop your personal and professional capital among key people. Within your broader network of contacts, cultivate a smaller core of your closest allies. The more diverse (in terms of position, geography, skillset, etc.) that top group is, the better. It will extend your reach and influence.
– Perform at your best in the present moment while knowing what you want most for your future. Focus on that target, understanding that it continually evolves.
– If this target requires additional education or skill development, take steady action in small, achievable steps to acquire it so you’ll be ready.
– If an opportunity you seek is a significant shift, perhaps it’s in a different company division or a new industry altogether, find ways to connect and position yourself among the leadership and in the environments you desire.
– Know your top three to five strengths and be able to talk about them in terms of the value you can deliver. Resist the temptation to sell everything you can do. You’ll come across as a generalist and lessen your leverage.
– Identify and work with an executive coach. It’s an investment that will yield great dividends – an outside perspective to help you gain a greater sense of awareness and cultivate your own inner knowing to chart your course.
