Dec 7, 2020 | Authenticity, Intention, Leadership, Personal Brand, Truth
I listened to a podcast recently featuring Seth Godin and his latest book, The Practice, where he proclaimed, “authenticity is a crock. Authenticity is overrated. Authenticity is a trap. No one wants you to be authentic.”
I’m a huge Seth Godin fan – I love his work and principles, but I completely disagree with him on this position. He professes that his position on authenticity is controversial, and I couldn’t agree more!
According to Godin, the only time in our lives when we’re truly authentic is when we’re an infant. When something doesn’t go our way, we spiral into a tantrum. Post toddler, we lose that raw, unabashed authenticity because our decisions and actions become calculated, carried out with intent and purpose (even if subconscious).
For example, you may not like something your boss does, but you’re not likely to go run screaming into their office, as that’s not likely to get you your desired result. What you do instead is weigh actions and consequences, navigate the political landscape, and moderate your behaviors. Godin considers this inauthentic – what you deep down most want to do is not what you end up doing in your actions.
“If you go see a concert,” he says “you don’t want the authentic musician. You want that musician (despite exhaustion from a 20-city road tour) to give you the best performance of their day, their week, their month. If you need surgery, you want the surgeon to ignore that they had an argument with their spouse and instead bring the best version of themselves. That’s what we want in every interaction.”
Godin continues, offering that people don’t want authenticity. What people want from you is consistency, humanity, and empathy…for you to deliver the best, most talented, skilled version of yourself. And the best way to deliver this is to do what comes naturally to you.
I read this. I hear this. And my response is, this IS authenticity – at least my definition of it.
For two weeks now, I’ve churned on Godin’s viewpoint that “authenticity is a crock.” I’ve wrangled with it internally and debated it with colleagues. Where I’ve landed is this:
- I have a deeply held belief about what authenticity is.
- To me, consistently delivering who you are IS being authentic. If humanity and empathy is core to who you are and you show up and deliver that, then you’re being authentic.
- Authenticity is being true to who you are, aligning with and living your values, and delivering on your personal brand promise day in and day out, regardless of whether or not people are watching.
- Being authentic is being the truest, realest me…the me-ist me I can be.
No, I’m not going to run into my boss’ office and throw a tantrum because something didn’t go as I had hoped. I refrain from doing this, not because I’m being inauthentic, but because my authentic self functions in a world where I’m keenly aware of rules, protocols, and the political landscape.
With this example and many more, I’ve learned about cause and effect, actions and consequences, and the culture of “this is the way we do things around here.” These lessons have saved my life, my career, and relationships. No, I won’t necessarily live out my unadulterated, unfiltered, raw self out on the street, in the boardroom, or even at my kitchen table necessarily, but it doesn’t mean that I’m not being congruent and authentic.
My clients know my skill, talent, values, and qualities. They know that when they work with me, they’re going to get these things fully and consistently. And I’m human, I can have a bad day, I can get overwhelmed and exhausted, and when these things happen, the impact can show up in my work. When it’s likely to, I name it, we adjust and adapt, change or reschedule…whatever the situation calls for. This is authenticity.
Hi, I’m Jeanie Duncan. I work with individuals and organizations as a transformation partner to help them unlock their Truth, discover authentic value, and create meaningful impact in the world. I believe when we are truly aligned with our purpose, we can live and perform at our highest potential. With over 25 years of experience as an executive, CEO, consultant, coach, and writer, I offer strategic, knowledgeable, and experienced guidance for those who are ready to take the courageous leap toward true transformation.
Nov 23, 2020 | Action, Authenticity, Courage, Freedom, Intention, Women
I got married a few weeks ago on October 10. As I fell asleep the night before, I meditated on an intention to be fully present on our wedding day. You know how weddings go – they’re chock full of endless tasks and details and a flurry of activity. I knew this was the reality and I wanted to let go and be fully present with Lyn, my wife-to-be, and our beautiful, precious ceremony.
As I drifted off, I wondered what it would feel like tomorrow when the day I had longed for finally arrived. I had imagined it a thousand times, playing the scenes over and over in my mind.
As I awoke that morning, what I hadn’t considered was this feeling that now washed over me – the deepest sense of gratitude. “I get to do this,” I thought. Just six years ago it wouldn’t have been possible to marry Lyn, to bond our love and commitment in the formal union of marriage.
I sat reflecting on those who came before me – those who advocated for this right of equality and were persecuted, prosecuted, and even gave their lives for it. The very freedoms and rights they fought for; many never were able to live it themselves. And here I sit, in my den, cozy under a blanket, sipping my coffee on my wedding day…I get to do this.
Audre Lorde, Marsha P. Johnson, Sylvia Rivera, Billie Jean King, Harvey Milk, Jack Baker, Michael McConnell, Edith Windsor, Jim Obergefell, Mary Bonauto, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Justice Anthony Kennedy, Evan Wolfson, Evelyn and Walter Haas, Jr., and so many, many more.
I carried their spirit, perseverance, and legacy with me through the day, sustained in gratitude, committing to do far more than simply hold this feeling – to persist as they did, take action to ensure common humanity, freedoms, and rights for LGBTQ people. There is so much work that remains to be done.
Today, heading into Thanksgiving week 2020, where our pandemic world is turned upside down and inside out, Lyn and I have decided how we’ll celebrate the holiday this year. In the absence of not being able to gather with family and friends as we traditionally do, we’re preparing our dining table with place settings reserved for those whom we want to honor, celebrate, and give thanks. The seats will be taken, not only by champions who fought for LGBTQ freedoms and rights, but also by those who led the way for women’s rights, civil rights, and for democracy, equality, and inclusion.
It will be a Thanksgiving like none other…maybe one that’s here to stay.
Hi, I’m Jeanie Duncan. I work with individuals and organizations as a transformation partner to help them unlock their Truth, discover authentic value, and create meaningful impact in the world. I believe when we are truly aligned with our purpose, we can live and perform at our highest potential. With over 25 years of experience as an executive, CEO, consultant, coach, and writer, I offer strategic, knowledgeable, and experienced guidance for those who are ready to take the courageous leap toward true transformation.
Sep 29, 2020 | Action, Authenticity, Courage, Intention
Years ago, while conducting research to start my business, I read the book, Birthing the Elephant by Karin Abarbanel and Bruce Freeman. In it, I came across a phrase that became a motto to me – “Act as if.”
Presented in the context of becoming an entrepreneur, Act As If conveys the concept of viewing yourself as this new brand and self image and aligning your actions and how you communicate and express yourself.
“Actions change attitudes, motions change emotions, and movements change moods. You might not be able to change your thoughts and your feelings, but you can change your actions. Your actions can change your feelings; your actions can change your thoughts. You can act differently than you feel.”
The day that I read those words, in October 2010, is the day I began my business. For several months prior, I had conducted research around launching a new venture, secured necessary resources, and written a business plan. On paper, it looked great, and when I read the words “act as if,” I thought “what am I waiting for?” I needed reminding…I’m more ready than I think I am. It’s interesting when you’re starting something from scratch. There’s a moment when you literally must flip the switch. So I did.
Act As If hit home for me. I took on the mantle of entrepreneur and business owner – I walked as if, ate as if, slept as if…I went about my day as if this is completely who I am, even though early on there were many days where it felt more like a story than reality. I lived this new brand as if everything in my life up to this moment had prepared me for this.
Now, 10 years later, through evolving iterations of my work, Act As If continues to be my motto, encouraging me to show up as both who I am and who I aspire to be. It helps move me to action when my doubt creeps in telling me I have to wait for the perfect plan before taking the first step. After all, our thoughts and actions create our reality. We manifest what we most desire and focus on.
Hi, I’m Jeanie Duncan. I work with individuals and organizations as a transformation partner to help them unlock their Truth, discover authentic value, and create meaningful impact in the world. I believe when we are truly aligned with our purpose, we can live and perform at our highest potential. With over 25 years of experience as an executive, CEO, consultant, and coach, I offer strategic, knowledgeable, and experienced guidance for those who are ready to take the courageous leap toward true transformation.
Sep 29, 2020 | Adventure, Authenticity, Courage, Freedom
Growing up on a farm, my big brother, Lee, and I filled our days playing with cows and horses, riding our dirt bike, fishing tadpoles out of the creek, and making forts from hay bales that filled our big red barn…the structures soon to became territory for our slingshot battle. The fact that neither of us is blind today truly is a miracle.
As thrilling as all these activities were, they paled in comparison to the work we did in the treetops. If we were to account for our total childhood handy work, we’d have a considerable tree house village! We could make an entire lumber pile and 500 nails disappear in a day or two. In the summers, we practically lived in our rickety tree dwellings, carving our names in the thick branches and telling stories, all with our Daisy BB guns never far from our sides.
When I think about what matters most to me today – things like nature, adventure, creativity, and freedom – it takes me back to my childhood and how much those experiences have shaped who I’ve become. I’m thankful for parents who gave us this beautiful space and so much freedom to explore and play. When I consider all the risky things we did, it gives me proof that kids are surrounded by a pack of angels! I mean, in this photo, we’re about to jump a stack of concrete cinder blocks with a ramp built of plywood and 2X4s and I’m riding that dirt bike in shorts and am barefoot!
I feel these values alive in me today – mostly in my spirit and essence in how I show up in life and work, and in the particulars of my behaviors and decisions. For example, even though I live in the city now, I’m never too far from the woods, a stream, or a trail. My windows are open to feel the breeze and hear all the sounds of nature. Although my “farm” animals now are Hendrix and Fred, my Labrador and Beagle, I love a horseback ride whenever I get the chance. And three years ago, I bought a Triumph motorcycle. I love my riding and camping adventures. It’s through these experiences that I’m most fulfilled.
How have your roots shaped who you are today?
Hi, I’m Jeanie Duncan. I work with individuals and organizations as a transformation partner to help them unlock their Truth, discover authentic value, and create meaningful impact in the world. I believe when we are truly aligned with our purpose, we can live and perform at our highest potential. With over 25 years of experience as an executive, CEO, consultant, and coach, I offer strategic, knowledgeable, and experienced guidance for those who are ready to take the courageous leap toward true transformation.
Nov 6, 2014 | Authenticity, Intention
I spoke at an executive women’s conference recently where the program centered around the theme of “Having it All.” Speakers and panelists offered perspectives on this topic that ranged from myth to miracle.
Often, when I hear people talk about “having it all,” the conversation is about volume…as in “super-size” me. I get this image of a caped super-human individual with the mystic powers to be a deeply devoted parent, put in 12-hours at the office, work out at the gym, manage the household, and get a full night’s rest. I don’t buy in to this steel facade of “I got this! I can do it all and have it all.” Maybe this can occur in the short-term, but it’s certainly not a sustainable nor fulfilling way to live.
What if this idea of “having it all” is instead about abundance and our making the choice to focus on what’s most important in our life? What if we paid more attention to managing our energy around what we most value, versus managing our time around our responsibilities and endless task lists. And that “I got this!” is about being an infinitely creative and resourceful human being, with both a deep internal well and rich connections and resources surrounding and supporting us.
Especially as women, it’s my sense is that we put this unrealistic expectation on ourselves to try and do it all, or worse yet, we must do it all to be successful. And we wait too long to raise our hand and ask for support. We wait until we’ve gone too far – we’ve burned ourselves out in our job, our relationships are beyond repair, we experience significant health issues, and we find ourselves completely exhausted. It’s often only then that we stop and wonder what happened.
Each of us has our own unique circumstances and resources in life. The key is to intentionally acknowledge and leverage them. I believe it comes down to three simple elements: choice, resonance, and flow.
Choice – Whether you consciously choose or not, you’re making a choice every moment. Each of us is in control of our personal choice. Why not take charge and own it? As an executive coach, I guide clients in personal visioning and planning similar to the way they typically approach this exercise within the workplace. In business, we plan – business plans, financial plans, strategic plans – but personally, we don’t often take time to reflect and think intentionally about our future.
For a moment, envision yourself five years from now, living the most fulfilled life you can imagine. What would it be like to create your vision, define your personal mission, and develop an action plan to get there? Whether you take this kind of approach or not, you are exercising choice. It takes conscious practice and commitment to choose a path of fulfillment.
Resonance – When I think of resonance, I think of depth and alignment. You know when you have it – resonance – and when you don’t – dissonance. It starts with knowing your core values. Values, like a keel, are the shape of your life beneath the surface that keeps you on course. Without it, you drift and shift directions with the wind. Another way to examine this is to ask, “What makes you tick? What are the must have’s in your life?” Mine are: connection, adventure, creativity, nature, wellness, spirituality, and independence. Know yours, and when you feel adrift it’s a place to look.
Flow – Just like it sounds, flow is about energy and movement. Webster’s defines it “To proceed smoothly and readily, steadily and easily.” Flow is about taking each moment as it comes and being within it, allowing the energy and emotion to move through you. It is within this that we are provided our guidance. When things in your life feel “off,” usually there’s something interfering with this natural flow.
These three simple elements of choice, resonance, and flow can be quite challenging in actual practice. For example:
- I get wrapped up in my day-to-day busyness and priorities and forget I have choice.
- Business travel picks up, the schedule is intense, and I forget to honor my core values. Very quickly, I feel the dissonance – I’m in overdrive, I get tired, and I don’t make time for important things like getting enough rest and working out.
- When I have a presentation to make, I sometimes gravitate to a podium where I feel safe relying on my note cards. Quickly, I get too focused on following my outline and fail to be open and connect with my audience. Goodbye flow.
The reality is that you don’t wake up one morning and say, “I need more choice, resonance, and flow in my life.” Instead, you wake up and you’re burned out, exhausted, unhappy, wandering, or stuck. This is how it shows up. Yet, when you peel back the layers, these outcomes often result from not exercising our choice, not being in resonance with what matters most, and failing to allow your true self to flow.
“Having it all” is about choice and knowing that we are naturally creative, resourceful, and whole human beings. Having it all is not shouldering it all yourself. It’s about knowing you have all you need to achieve everything you desire both within you and within your immediate grasp.
Read other related blog posts:
Whole Life Balance – Creating Flow and Alignment
About Jeanie Duncan: Jeanie is President of Raven Consulting Group, a business she founded that focuses on organizational change and leadership development in the nonprofit sector. She is a senior consultant for Raffa, a national firm working with nonprofit clients to lead efforts in sustainability and succession planning, executive transition and search. Additionally, Jeanie serves as adjunct faculty for the Center for Creative Leadership, a top-ranked, global provider of executive leadership education.
