A few years ago, a friend of mine approached me with a bit of a dare. ”What if we flew to Anchorage, rented motorcycles, and rode and camped across Alaska for a couple of weeks?” She followed it up with, ”and don’t say ‘yes’ unless you really mean it!” I thought on it for about 12 seconds…“I’m in!”
Instantly, we burst into nervous, giddy laughter with gulping wide eyes, as if to ask, “what have we done?!” coupled with the sobering realization that neither one of us owned or rode motorcycles. From there, we made a plan: we signed up for and passed motorcycle training, got our license, and bought bikes. A year later, we flew to Alaska and had the absolute time of our lives riding from Anchorage to Homer and covering the Kenai Peninsula in between.
I’ve never felt so free as I did on that trip – the wind in my hair, the glacial coolness on my skin, the thrill in the feel of my bike, and camping in a wild like I had never known. And that feeling of freedom coats me every time I ride.
Driving a motorcycle lets you experience the world in 4D – taking in nature’s elements, sights, sounds, smells, and textures. I’m never so present as when I’m riding my bike – my senses are fully alive to the essence surrounding me. I can be no other place than right where I am.
Our Alaska adventure checked all my boxes, hit all my values, stretched and challenged me in ways I couldn’t have imagined. We did our research. Mapped our own route. Provisioned and purchased all the right gear. We thought through all kinds of scenarios, dangers, and what ifs, planning as best we could. I’ll admit that I had some restless nights leading up to our trip truly afraid of the scale of it all and dreaming of bears in our campsite. Fortunately, we never encountered any bears!…and I leaned into my fear and felt in awe of our sheer accomplishment.
I fantasize about my next motorcycle adventure…2021 or 22 maybe – I’m thinking of a West Coast stretch from Vancouver to San Diego. One day, New Zealand? Thailand? Meanwhile, I ride as often as I can in and around North Carolina with a smile that wraps around my head.
When are you most free?
Hi, I’m Jeanie Duncan. I work with individuals and organizations as a transformation partner to help them unlock their Truth, discover authentic value, and create meaningful impact in the world. I believe when we are truly aligned with our purpose, we can live and perform at our highest potential. With over 25 years of experience as an executive, CEO, consultant, and coach, I offer strategic, knowledgeable, and experienced guidance for those who are ready to take the courageous leap toward true transformation.
I got married a few weeks ago on October 10. As I fell asleep the night before, I meditated on an intention to be fully present on our wedding day. You know how weddings go – they’re chock full of endless tasks and details and a flurry of activity. I knew this was the reality and I wanted to let go and be fully present with Lyn, my wife-to-be, and our beautiful, precious ceremony.
As I drifted off, I wondered what it would feel like tomorrow when the day I had longed for finally arrived. I had imagined it a thousand times, playing the scenes over and over in my mind.
As I awoke that morning, what I hadn’t considered was this feeling that now washed over me – the deepest sense of gratitude. “I get to do this,” I thought. Just six years ago it wouldn’t have been possible to marry Lyn, to bond our love and commitment in the formal union of marriage.
I sat reflecting on those who came before me – those who advocated for this right of equality and were persecuted, prosecuted, and even gave their lives for it. The very freedoms and rights they fought for; many never were able to live it themselves. And here I sit, in my den, cozy under a blanket, sipping my coffee on my wedding day…I get to do this.
Audre Lorde, Marsha P. Johnson, Sylvia Rivera, Billie Jean King, Harvey Milk, Jack Baker, Michael McConnell, Edith Windsor, Jim Obergefell, Mary Bonauto, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Justice Anthony Kennedy, Evan Wolfson, Evelyn and Walter Haas, Jr., and so many, many more.
I carried their spirit, perseverance, and legacy with me through the day, sustained in gratitude, committing to do far more than simply hold this feeling – to persist as they did, take action to ensure common humanity, freedoms, and rights for LGBTQ people. There is so much work that remains to be done.
Today, heading into Thanksgiving week 2020, where our pandemic world is turned upside down and inside out, Lyn and I have decided how we’ll celebrate the holiday this year. In the absence of not being able to gather with family and friends as we traditionally do, we’re preparing our dining table with place settings reserved for those whom we want to honor, celebrate, and give thanks. The seats will be taken, not only by champions who fought for LGBTQ freedoms and rights, but also by those who led the way for women’s rights, civil rights, and for democracy, equality, and inclusion.
It will be a Thanksgiving like none other…maybe one that’s here to stay.
Hi, I’m Jeanie Duncan. I work with individuals and organizations as a transformation partner to help them unlock their Truth, discover authentic value, and create meaningful impact in the world. I believe when we are truly aligned with our purpose, we can live and perform at our highest potential. With over 25 years of experience as an executive, CEO, consultant, coach, and writer, I offer strategic, knowledgeable, and experienced guidance for those who are ready to take the courageous leap toward true transformation.
Part II of “Infusion of the Feminine Element in the American Workplace” (Part I posted on August 14, 2012)
“If you think you would exercise it ethically, don’t disdain power. You must embrace it as the essential currency for making things happen.”
– Kim Campbell, former prime minister of Canada
Think about it: What would our world really be like if more women were in charge? If we had a female President. If far more of our Fortune 500 companies were led by women (2% currently). If half of the positions in the US Senate and House were held by women (presently 16%). And if more women were partners in law firms or federal judges (now only 15%). What difference would it make?
I think more women in these roles would in fact make things better. I’m not espousing women versus men nor insinuating one gender superior over the other (tempting as it may be). I simply believe that a more even balance of male and female leadership would yield a world with greater cooperation, flexibility, less conflict, increased dialogue, and cultural understanding.
These characteristics and differences contribute in significant, meaningful ways – results that positively impact a business’ bottom line and yield a more diplomatic culture. This isn’t just my opinion, but evidence backed up by countless studies.
According to Catalyst (a research and advisory organization that tracks women in business), “Fortune 500 companies with the highest representation of women on their boards performed better financially – significantly better. Those with the most saw a 53% higher return on equity, a 42% higher return on sales, and a 66% higher return on invested capital. Findings were consistent across invested capital and industries.”
And in the political realm, while the vast majority of current world leaders are male, women have rapidly assumed these roles, now leading some of the largest, most populated, and most economically successful countries in the world. Female leaders work to ensure diplomacy, freedom, justice, equality, and peace. Presently, we live in a time with the highest total number of female leaders serving simultaneously.
These are compelling reasons for balanced leadership in both the business and political jurisdictions. And this peaks my curiosity…what are the key differences with female influence? The following sources offer a few perspectives.
- Esther Wachs, in her book Why the Best Man for the Job is a Woman examined the careers of 14 top female executives to learn what makes them so successful. Her findings reveal that women have a natural willingness to reinvent the rules, ability to sell their visions, the determination to turn challenges into opportunities – all with a focus on “high touch” in a high tech business world.
- Dee Dee Myers, in Why Women Should Rule the World, proposes that it isn’t a debate about nature or nurture – it’s both. “New tools have allowed scientists to find structural, chemical, genetic, hormonal, and functional differences in male and female brains. And those differences affect the way men and women process language, solve problems, and remember emotional events. They shape our responses to everything from stress, to love, to the funny pages.”
- And in Deborah Tannen’s 1991 best-seller, You Don’t Understand! Women and Men in Conversation, she concludes that “boys’ and girls’ early social lives are so different that they grow up ‘in what are essentially different cultures.’ Thus, talk between women and men is in fact cross-cultural communication, fraught with as many potential misunderstandings as communication between individuals from different countries, ethnic backgrounds, languages, or religious groups.”
As a matter of basic world view, Tannen establishes that “men see themselves as engaged in a hierarchical social order in which they are either ‘one up or one down’ in relation to others. Their communication styles and reactions to others’ communications often stress the need to ‘preserve independence and avoid failure.’ Women, on the other hand, tend to see the world as a ‘network of connections,’ and their communications and interpretations of others’ communications seek to ‘preserve intimacy and avoid isolation.’”
Whether male or female, I think most of us realize that dominating leadership style is becoming less and less popular, replaced with a growing presence of leadership that exhibits flexibility, empathy, openness, and valuing differences. The role of women is helping to build understanding around these values that really matter and make a difference.
I’ve been fortunate to grow up surrounded by strong women – my mom, sister, aunts, and countless mentors. As a result, I’ve always thought that women are very capable leaders – not because women are better or the same as men, but because the many ways women and men are different.
So, I wonder, why don’t women take the lead more? What holds us back? I’ve given this a lot of thought lately and drawn conclusions based on my own experiences as well as accounts shared by Myers and other authors writing on female leadership.
- Women are often given the same responsibility without corresponding authority. We have less power – office, rank, money. As in Myers’ case, the President made the job of Press Secretary less important than it had been previously, and, as a result, it made her less effective.
- We don’t negotiate. We’re simply not socialized to do so. According to Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever in Women Don’t Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide, “Whether they want higher salaries or more help at home, women often find it hard to ask. Sometimes they don’t know that change is possible – they don’t know that they can ask. Sometimes they fear that asking may damage a relationship. And sometimes they don’t ask because they’ve learned that society can react badly to women asserting their own needs and desires.”
- We have to fight to be a part of the conversation. Being in the room is not the same as being in the conversation. Women are often treated like they’re invisible. For example, I experience the following situation far too often, and I’ve witnessed the same among my female colleagues: I’ll be at a meeting, and I offer up a comment or perspective, and the conversation continues as if I never spoke. Moments later, a man says virtually the same thing, and his point is acknowledged by several in the group. What the hell! I admit that, as women, we often fail to state our thoughts and ideas forcefully enough – I certainly can be guilty of that. But there’s no way that can account for the frequency with which this happens.
- Sometimes, a woman simply being in the role can make it seem less important. “In fact, women devalue whole sectors of the economy just by showing up,” Myers states. “Studies show that both men and women attach less prestige to certain professions if they have more women – or are expected to have more women in the future. Not only can the presence of women devalue certain jobs, but also it’s often not until the job is devalued that women are even hired. It’s a no-win situation.”
- As women, we have to take the world as we find it. We know that the American culture, systems, and structures are a white male establishment. While it is changing and evolving, anyone functioning in the American workplace must work within that dynamic. “When women in positions of authority conform to traditional female stereotypes, they are too often perceived as ‘too soft’ to be effective,” states Myers. “And when they defy those norms, they are considered ‘too tough,’ unnaturally masculine and out of sync”…a bitch, in other words. There are so many ways for women to lose at this game.
- Women lack access to informal networks. In 2005, the research organization, Catalyst, talked to 950 top executives – both men and women. Fifty-five percent of women said they wanted to be CEOs – virtually the same as the number of men. So why don’t more advance? A quarter of the women said they lacked operational experience, but nearly twice as many said that it was because they were shut out of the informal networks – golf, poker, men’s clubs – where information gets exchanged, relationships get established, and careers get launched. Over time, these little differences become a significant cumulative divide.
- People are more judgmental about a female’s performance and less forgiving of her mistakes than they are of her male counterpart’s. People wonder: Can she stand up to her opponent? Can she think on her feet? People simply assume men are tough enough, but women have to prove it. It’s a fine line with great expectations and little margin for error.
Given these thoughts and others, in the end it’s not necessarily the lack of intrinsic aptitude that keeps more women from pursuing careers in fields like physics and engineering; rather, it may be that their different realities compel them to make different choices. It’s time that those realities are recognized as every bit as relevant, important, and valuable as men’s.
While many variables contribute to holding us back or interfering with our path to success, I conclude too that we – as women – have to get out of our own way. Regardless of the environment in which we operate and the tendency sometimes to blame, we are part of our own problem. I believe this most often when we don’t take or claim our power. Or when we fail to be courageous and stand up for our peer female professionals and confront inequities in the moment, head on. And there are those situations where we act too masculine, not allowing for the time and texture of the feminine accent.
Clearly, men and women are different. And because we’re different, women will bring a varied mix of experience, values, and points of view. We will expand the range of what’s acceptable and what’s possible. It’s in our economic, social, and political interest to create a world that’s freer and fairer. Where everyone has their power and is allowed to use it. Where everyone is judged by their performance – and their potential.
- Myers, Dee Dee. Why Women Should Rule the World. New York: HarperCollins, 2008.
- Wachs, Esther. Why the Best Man for the Job is a Woman. New York: HarperCollins, 2001.
- Tannen, Deborah. You Don’t Understand! Women and Men in Conversation. New York: Ballantine Books, 1991.
- Babcock, Linda and Laschever, Sara. Women Don’t Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide. New York: Bantam Books, 2007.
“Nothing, arguably, is as important in the political economy of development as an adequate recognition of political, economic,and social participation, and leadership of women.”
– Nobel Prize laureate economist Amartya Sen
I just finished reading Why Women Should Rule the World by Dee Dee Myers. Although this New York Times bestseller was published in 2008, it just made it to the top of my reading list. Reflecting on her tenure as White House press secretary and the work and leadership of other professional women, I found it to be a provocative and persuasive read.
While its title could imply otherwise, it’s not a book that declares supremacy of women over men, but rather one that demonstrates the importance of balance and having both gender voices at the table and in key leadership roles – at all levels – and how a more equitably represented leadership field changes everything for men, women, and their families. The issues that need to be addressed are creating American workplace culture that is supportive of the complex dynamics at play among work, family, household responsibilities, childcare, and eldercare.
According to The Shriver Report: A Woman’s Nation Changes Everything, by Maria Shriver and the Center for American Progress,women are half of all US workers, and mothers are the primary breadwinners or co-breadwinners in nearly two-thirds of American families.
Yet, while women make up over 50% of today’s workforce, they make up only “16 percent of the US Senate, 16 percent of the House, and not quite 24 percent of state legislators,” writes Myers. And “only eight of the nation’s fifty governors are women.”
Ditto business. While women make the vast majority of consumer decisions in this country – more than 80 percent – we still lack enough influence at the top of the corporations that make and sell those goods and services. Myers states that “True, women now fill about half of all managerial positions, but among Fortune 500 companies, women account for only 16 percent of corporate officers, 5 percent of top earners, and an anemic 2 percent of CEOs.”
Myers finds that the pattern is repetitive, with women making up half of law school graduates and roughly a third of all lawyers, but they account for only 15 percent of partners in law firms or federal judges. Women make up nearly half of medical school graduates, but only a quarter of doctors and 10 percent of the deans of medical schools.
Many things drive and contribute to this reality, including biology, ideology, and simply the differences in how women and men approach work and other life responsibilities. Over the next few weeks, I’ll dedicate Raven posts to reflect on these differences as well as Myers’ writing on why women don’t rule the world, why they should rule the world, and lastly, how they can rule the world.
Each of us can make a difference from where we are. It’s up to women to step forward and do it. Here’s why it’s so critical:
• As women, we have unique gifts, talents, and perspectives to offer. Our goal is not to enhance the masculine spirit, but to express the feminine – creating a more just and caring world through the infusion of the feminine element.
• It’s the reality of the world in which we live. Trends show that the percentage makeup of women in the workplace isn’t likely to regress.
• In order to change the culture in the American workplace, women must band together. It simply won’t happen unless top women come together, speak out, and change and enforce new policy.
• A few just aren’t enough. It takes a critical mass to really make change. Myers states, “A recent study of corporate boards found it takes three women to really change the dynamic in a board room. A lone woman is often made to feel she represents the ‘woman’s point of view,’ and can be left out of decision-making discussions and even social gatherings.”
• We owe a great debt to the women who have blazed the trails before us. We all stand on their shoulders – the countless others who stuck their necks out for going where no woman has gone before.
As Anne-Marie Slaughter states in Why Women Still Can’t Have it All: “The best hope for improving the lot of all women is to close the leadership gap, elect a woman president and 50 women US senators, and ensure that women are equally represented in the ranks of corporate executives and judicial leaders. Only when women wield power in sufficient numbers will we create a society that genuinely works for all women. That will be a society that works for everyone.”
Myers, Dee Dee. Why Women Should Rule the World. New York: HarperCollins, 2008.
Shriver, M. (2009, October ). The Shriver report: a woman’s nation changes everything. Retrieved from http://www.americanprogress.org/issues/2009/10/pdf/awn/a_womans_nation.pdf
Slaughter, A. (2012, July/August). Why women still can’t have it all. The Atlantic. Retrieved from http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-can-8217-t-have-it-all/9020/
I’m pleased to be co-presenting a workshop with Liz Summers, my good friend, colleague, and President of Advancing Leadership Consulting. She is one of the most wicked smart and talented business women I’ve had the pleasure of knowing and working with – which makes her a perfect partner to create and deliver Stepping Stones to Discovery, a workshop for professional women designed to help you achieve your mission.
Imagine how much stronger your relationships would be and how much more of a fulfilled life you could live if you really understood more about what made you tick – both when things are going well and when there’s conflict and opposition in your life.
On Thursday, October 25, we’ll gather with 18 professional women for the day at Timberlake Earth Sanctuary. And it will be all about them – their strengths, stories, and action plan they will develop to create the life they’re meant to lead.
We invite you to come and participate in this full day experience. You’ll begin with completing the Strengths Deployment Inventory (SDI) and interpreting the results, followed by a creative visioning exercise, and closing with a personal action plan you’ll design to help you step toward achieving your vision. It will be an insightful, impactful day with lasting results. Join us!
For more information and to register: Stepping Stones