Is There a Hole in Your Sidewalk?

Dec 14, 2011 | Coaching

Earlier this week, I attended the meeting of our local Triad Coaching Connection and the presenter offered this poem below entitled “Autobiography in Five Short Chapters” by Portia Nelson (from her book “There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk”). I thought I would share it here in Raven Reflections; it stirred some interesting thoughts and comments from our group, and I’m still thinking about it days later.

Chapter One

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I am lost…I am helpless.

It isn’t my fault.

It takes forever to get out.

Chapter Two

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don’t see it.

I fall in, again.

I can’t believe I am in this same place.

But it isn’t my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I still fall in…it’s a habit.

But, eyes are open. I know where I am.

It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

Chapter Four

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

Chapter Five

I walk down another street.

So, where are you today? Are you still falling in that same, deep hole? Many days, I feel as though I am. Then, there are other days that I finally reach Chapter Four, maybe Five. Those feel better!

This poem reminds me of the stages: unconscious incompetence, conscious incompetence, conscious competence, and finally unconscious competence. These cycle around in life when we learn new things or attempt to break patterns and old habits. For me, this poem is a fresh way to look at that.

Changing our behavior is difficult.  If it were simply a matter of deciding to change and following through on that change, there would be no need for coaches and therapists…and life would be much simpler!

In reality, change is hard won. There is a subtle interplay between insight through reflection and newfound awareness and making different choices in life. Both are necessary. Change is often slow and comes about in leaps forward, and also by apparent slips back. While the steps forward are experienced as triumphs, often the slips back are experienced or perceived as adversities or even failure. Of course, in reality both movements are progress. The key is discovering the learning within.