Feb 17, 2021 | Authenticity, Courage, Intention, Leadership
A few weeks ago, I watched Biden and Harris take office and was especially struck by a comment in Biden’s inaugural address, “Take a measure of me and my heart. If you still disagree, so be it. That’s democracy. That’s America. The right to dissent peaceably within the guardrails of our republic is perhaps our nation’s greatest strength.”
“Take a measure of me and my heart.”
His words stunned me. First because it feels so good to have leadership again. And second, because it feels so good to have leadership with heart. I believe we do.
Our world needs more leadership with heart. It’s what I’ve come to call “wholehearted leadership,” to borrow one of Brene Brown’s coined phrases. It was in reading her book, “Gifts of Imperfection,” that I first heard that phrase ten years ago. I strive to live it in my work and life. And I look for it in others. It’s so deeply satisfying and fulfilling to see it in action…
- Cultivate authenticity and let go of what other people think
- Cultivate self-compassion and let go of perfectionism
- Cultivate our resilient spirit and let go of numbing and powerlessness
- Cultivate gratitude and joy and let go of scarcity and fear of the dark
- Cultivate intuition and faith and let go of the need for certainty
- Cultivate creativity and let go of comparison
- Cultivate play and rest and let go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self-worth
- Cultivate calm and stillness and let go of anxiety as a lifestyle
- Cultivate meaningful work and let go of self-doubt and “supposed to”
- Cultivate laughter, song, and dance and let go of “cool” and always in control
– Brene Brown’s 10 Guideposts for Wholehearted Living
These affirmations hang in my office as a reminder of how I want to love, live, and lead in the world. It’s about showing up with vulnerability – owning who you are and letting others see you. It only took me a few decades to learn this…and it’s a forever journey. It requires great intentionality, practice, and loads of courage…Every. Single. Day.
I remember the first time I learned about vulnerability as a leader. I was 30 years old and in a leadership development program where I had been paired with an executive coach. Part of her guidance encouraged me to become more vulnerable as a leader. I had an instant, visceral reaction to her words. I cringed, remembering my mom and what she taught me as a young girl. I told my coach, “My mama did NOT teach me to be vulnerable!”
I imagined sitting across from my mom and sharing with her what I learned at leadership school. I could see her plain as day…sitting across from me, arms tightly crossed, and giving me a furrowed, disapproving stare. Growing up in my home, any thoughts of vulnerability were considered weak, and I was taught to show anything but that:
Be strong!
Never let ‘em see you sweat (or cry)
Hold your cards close to the vest
I don’t think either of my parents intended this, but what they taught me around vulnerability – to guard against it – caused me to show up as a leader rigid, aloof, and less approachable. It took me nearly two decades to undo.
I see this same resolve in leaders I coach today, especially female leaders. To get ahead, we develop armor…a shell to protect us, we put forth an image of steel, as in “I have this under control” and “I’ve got it all together.” Inside we may be quaking, but the external world will never know it. We take it own, carry the load, and ‘grin and bear it.’ Years and decades pass. We become someone we don’t know anymore….or worse, someone we don’t even like.
“Take a measure of me and my heart,” Biden says.
This is a reminder to us all to put down our armor, come out from behind our shields, open our hearts and let others see our humanity.
Hi, I’m Jeanie Duncan. I work with individuals and organizations as a transformation partner to help them unlock their Truth, discover authentic value, and create meaningful impact in the world. I believe when we are truly aligned with our purpose, we can live and perform at our highest potential. With over 25 years of experience as an executive, CEO, consultant, coach, and writer, I offer strategic, knowledgeable, and experienced guidance for those who are ready to take the courageous leap toward true transformation.
Jan 5, 2021 | Action, Focus, Intention, Strategy
For my 2021 intention setting, I’ve picked this Amelia Earhart quote and two words as my guideposts: Immerse + Commit.
I love variety – a lot of things, options, choices. If I were to describe my life as a buffet line, when I reach the end, my plate would be piled high and about to break under the mountain of food – everything looked so good, so I took just a little bit…and then the little became a LOT.
This lived experience can have me setting too many goals, taking on too many clients and projects, and casting a net too wide because it all looks so delicious!
My “way,” while exciting and filled with variety, often keeps me from having the rich depth of experience I want to have. It also prevents me from truly committing to something and finishing or mastering it, because of the sheer heap of assortment.
So, for 2021 I’m immersing in and committing to a small “salad plate” of:
- Writing
- Coaching
- Work in equity, inclusion and diversity
- My overall health and wellness
And my shero, Amelia, with her “the most effective way to do it, is to do it” will guide me through!
2021 Planning Guide
Here are a few prompts that support my clients with intention and priority setting. I hope you find them helpful to do your own 2021 reflection.
- Identify up to 3 items that you want as your MAIN areas of focus for the year. For each area, provide a simple heading (written in first person) that states what you want to have achieved by December 31. Underneath each, note one or more measurable outcomes you will see/experience as a result.
- For these areas of focus, what do you anticipate that might hold you back or get in your way? Listing these can help you be prepared for potential barriers and to prevent them before they arise.
- What theme (or themes) encapsulates the above areas of focus?
- Of the theme(s) you’ve listed, what word or two best captures the essence?
- Identify a quote that can serve as a “headline” or “billboard” for you, related to your key words. (Searching quotes based on your key words or themes is helpful.)
It’s a good idea to post your results to this “worksheet’ in a place where you’ll see it every day. I have mine on my office wall and placed as a “bookmark” in my daily writing journal. Cheers!
Hi, I’m Jeanie Duncan. I work with individuals and organizations as a transformation partner to help them unlock their Truth, discover authentic value, and create meaningful impact in the world. I believe when we are truly aligned with our purpose, we can live and perform at our highest potential. With over 25 years of experience as an executive, CEO, consultant, coach, and writer, I offer strategic, knowledgeable, and experienced guidance for those who are ready to take the courageous leap toward true transformation.
Dec 11, 2020 | Authenticity, Intention, Truth
When I began writing my book, I decided it would be informed not only by my own life experiences, but also those of many others. I put together a plan and timeline, began writing, and started the interviews.
Nice, neat, and tidy, right? As soon as I got started, I quickly realized this wasn’t going to be the orderly, paced project I had designed. My strategic, linear mind was clearly not going to have her way. Truth work is anything but a straight line…both the processing of my own and the witnessing and interpreting of others’.
Being with someone who’s sharing their personal story of knowing and living their truth is sacred. It’s mind blowing and heart wakening – a bearing witness to one’s humanity and soul. It’s not an “interview;” it’s a sacred conversation.
When planning out this work, I had no idea the gift I would receive in bearing witness to others in their openness, struggle, loss, joy, and deepest vulnerability. I hold it in the utmost trust. I get to do this work.
And about that plan and timeline of mine…I’m doing my best to stay on course and meet the necessary deadlines. I’m also learning to be open and allow the beautiful connection with others to be my guide. Whenever the battle brews between my heart and head – as it often does – may my heart prevail.
Hi, I’m Jeanie Duncan. I work with individuals and organizations as a transformation partner to help them unlock their Truth, discover authentic value, and create meaningful impact in the world. I believe when we are truly aligned with our purpose, we can live and perform at our highest potential. With over 25 years of experience as an executive, CEO, consultant, coach, and writer, I offer strategic, knowledgeable, and experienced guidance for those who are ready to take the courageous leap toward true transformation.
Dec 22, 2014 | Intention
January lures me to a place of reflection of the prior year and intention and goal setting for the year ahead. It’s my way of honoring life events, learning from what I’ve experienced, and dreaming of what I most want.
Over time, I’ve developed a some tools that serve me well in this process. Here are a few favorites that I hope you will find of value.
- Take a blank sheet of paper and draw a vertical line down the middle of the page. On the left side at the top, write “Freedom From” (What do I want to STOP doing?). On the right side, write “Freedom Toward” (What do I want to be or START doing?). Then down the far left column, write these words: Career, Family & Friends, Significant other / Romance, Fun & Recreation, Health, Money, Personal Growth, and Physical Environment. Complete each column in terms of ‘freedom from’ and ‘freedom toward’. This exercise will help you create alignment in the direction toward what matters most.
- Another exercise I find valuable is completing Stephen Covey’s Time Management Matrix, which I have sample-populated below from a business perspective. I like to do this including both work and family elements, sometimes in two different grids. I don’t know about you, but much of my day quickly can be filled with the 3rd quadrant – the seemingly urgent, but less important things. At the end of those days, it’s hard to note anything meaningful that I’ve accomplished. Ideally, I use this tool not only at the beginning of a new year, but also at the beginning of each month and week to keep me focused on what matters most.
- Journaling can be another effective outlet to reflect and draw out thoughts about the past year and help focus and imagine the 12 months ahead. Consider the writing prompts below as you complete this exercise.
Reflecting on the prior year:
- What am I celebrating?
- What were the most significant events of the year past?
- What’s going well? …not so well?
- How am I leveraging my strengths?
- What did I learn? (skills, knowledge, insights, etc.)
- What would I have done differently?
- What did I complete or release? What still feels incomplete to me?
- How am I different this year than last?
- For what am I particularly grateful?
Imagining the year ahead:
- What intentions do I have for the coming year?
- What is the commitment I want to make for: my work, my family, my self?
- How do I want to approach things differently?
- How do I want to spend my time?
- What would I do if I knew I couldn’t fail?
- How and with whom do I most want to spend my time?
- How will I honor my core values?
- Imagine that it is 6 months from now, and I’ve acted on my intentions or met my goals. What is like? How does it feel? What resources and support surround me?
A final critical piece to goal setting is to enroll an accountability partner. As you refine your intentions and goals for the year, ask a friend or colleague to help support you and hold you accountable. Set a schedule where s/he will followup and ask you about your progress. They can serve as an important ally in helping you move past barriers as well as celebrate your progress (big and small). Choose someone who will challenge and stretch you and call you out when you’re playing small!
Best wishes to you in this experience and bringing forth your best self in the year ahead!
About Jeanie Duncan: Jeanie is President of Raven Consulting Group, a business she founded that focuses on organizational change and leadership development in the nonprofit sector. She is a senior consultant for Raffa, a national firm working with nonprofit clients to lead efforts in sustainability and succession planning, executive transition and search. Additionally, Jeanie serves as adjunct faculty for the Center for Creative Leadership, a top-ranked, global provider of executive leadership education.
Nov 6, 2014 | Authenticity, Intention
I spoke at an executive women’s conference recently where the program centered around the theme of “Having it All.” Speakers and panelists offered perspectives on this topic that ranged from myth to miracle.
Often, when I hear people talk about “having it all,” the conversation is about volume…as in “super-size” me. I get this image of a caped super-human individual with the mystic powers to be a deeply devoted parent, put in 12-hours at the office, work out at the gym, manage the household, and get a full night’s rest. I don’t buy in to this steel facade of “I got this! I can do it all and have it all.” Maybe this can occur in the short-term, but it’s certainly not a sustainable nor fulfilling way to live.
What if this idea of “having it all” is instead about abundance and our making the choice to focus on what’s most important in our life? What if we paid more attention to managing our energy around what we most value, versus managing our time around our responsibilities and endless task lists. And that “I got this!” is about being an infinitely creative and resourceful human being, with both a deep internal well and rich connections and resources surrounding and supporting us.
Especially as women, it’s my sense is that we put this unrealistic expectation on ourselves to try and do it all, or worse yet, we must do it all to be successful. And we wait too long to raise our hand and ask for support. We wait until we’ve gone too far – we’ve burned ourselves out in our job, our relationships are beyond repair, we experience significant health issues, and we find ourselves completely exhausted. It’s often only then that we stop and wonder what happened.
Each of us has our own unique circumstances and resources in life. The key is to intentionally acknowledge and leverage them. I believe it comes down to three simple elements: choice, resonance, and flow.
Choice – Whether you consciously choose or not, you’re making a choice every moment. Each of us is in control of our personal choice. Why not take charge and own it? As an executive coach, I guide clients in personal visioning and planning similar to the way they typically approach this exercise within the workplace. In business, we plan – business plans, financial plans, strategic plans – but personally, we don’t often take time to reflect and think intentionally about our future.
For a moment, envision yourself five years from now, living the most fulfilled life you can imagine. What would it be like to create your vision, define your personal mission, and develop an action plan to get there? Whether you take this kind of approach or not, you are exercising choice. It takes conscious practice and commitment to choose a path of fulfillment.
Resonance – When I think of resonance, I think of depth and alignment. You know when you have it – resonance – and when you don’t – dissonance. It starts with knowing your core values. Values, like a keel, are the shape of your life beneath the surface that keeps you on course. Without it, you drift and shift directions with the wind. Another way to examine this is to ask, “What makes you tick? What are the must have’s in your life?” Mine are: connection, adventure, creativity, nature, wellness, spirituality, and independence. Know yours, and when you feel adrift it’s a place to look.
Flow – Just like it sounds, flow is about energy and movement. Webster’s defines it “To proceed smoothly and readily, steadily and easily.” Flow is about taking each moment as it comes and being within it, allowing the energy and emotion to move through you. It is within this that we are provided our guidance. When things in your life feel “off,” usually there’s something interfering with this natural flow.
These three simple elements of choice, resonance, and flow can be quite challenging in actual practice. For example:
- I get wrapped up in my day-to-day busyness and priorities and forget I have choice.
- Business travel picks up, the schedule is intense, and I forget to honor my core values. Very quickly, I feel the dissonance – I’m in overdrive, I get tired, and I don’t make time for important things like getting enough rest and working out.
- When I have a presentation to make, I sometimes gravitate to a podium where I feel safe relying on my note cards. Quickly, I get too focused on following my outline and fail to be open and connect with my audience. Goodbye flow.
The reality is that you don’t wake up one morning and say, “I need more choice, resonance, and flow in my life.” Instead, you wake up and you’re burned out, exhausted, unhappy, wandering, or stuck. This is how it shows up. Yet, when you peel back the layers, these outcomes often result from not exercising our choice, not being in resonance with what matters most, and failing to allow your true self to flow.
“Having it all” is about choice and knowing that we are naturally creative, resourceful, and whole human beings. Having it all is not shouldering it all yourself. It’s about knowing you have all you need to achieve everything you desire both within you and within your immediate grasp.
Read other related blog posts:
Whole Life Balance – Creating Flow and Alignment
About Jeanie Duncan: Jeanie is President of Raven Consulting Group, a business she founded that focuses on organizational change and leadership development in the nonprofit sector. She is a senior consultant for Raffa, a national firm working with nonprofit clients to lead efforts in sustainability and succession planning, executive transition and search. Additionally, Jeanie serves as adjunct faculty for the Center for Creative Leadership, a top-ranked, global provider of executive leadership education.
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