A few weeks ago, I watched Biden and Harris take office and was especially struck by a comment in Biden’s inaugural address, “Take a measure of me and my heart. If you still disagree, so be it. That’s democracy. That’s America. The right to dissent peaceably within the guardrails of our republic is perhaps our nation’s greatest strength.”
“Take a measure of me and my heart.”
His words stunned me. First because it feels so good to have leadership again. And second, because it feels so good to have leadership with heart. I believe we do.
Our world needs more leadership with heart. It’s what I’ve come to call “wholehearted leadership,” to borrow one of Brene Brown’s coined phrases. It was in reading her book, “Gifts of Imperfection,” that I first heard that phrase ten years ago. I strive to live it in my work and life. And I look for it in others. It’s so deeply satisfying and fulfilling to see it in action…
- Cultivate authenticity and let go of what other people think
- Cultivate self-compassion and let go of perfectionism
- Cultivate our resilient spirit and let go of numbing and powerlessness
- Cultivate gratitude and joy and let go of scarcity and fear of the dark
- Cultivate intuition and faith and let go of the need for certainty
- Cultivate creativity and let go of comparison
- Cultivate play and rest and let go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self-worth
- Cultivate calm and stillness and let go of anxiety as a lifestyle
- Cultivate meaningful work and let go of self-doubt and “supposed to”
- Cultivate laughter, song, and dance and let go of “cool” and always in control
– Brene Brown’s 10 Guideposts for Wholehearted Living
These affirmations hang in my office as a reminder of how I want to love, live, and lead in the world. It’s about showing up with vulnerability – owning who you are and letting others see you. It only took me a few decades to learn this…and it’s a forever journey. It requires great intentionality, practice, and loads of courage…Every. Single. Day.
I remember the first time I learned about vulnerability as a leader. I was 30 years old and in a leadership development program where I had been paired with an executive coach. Part of her guidance encouraged me to become more vulnerable as a leader. I had an instant, visceral reaction to her words. I cringed, remembering my mom and what she taught me as a young girl. I told my coach, “My mama did NOT teach me to be vulnerable!”
I imagined sitting across from my mom and sharing with her what I learned at leadership school. I could see her plain as day…sitting across from me, arms tightly crossed, and giving me a furrowed, disapproving stare. Growing up in my home, any thoughts of vulnerability were considered weak, and I was taught to show anything but that:
Never let ‘em see you sweat (or cry)
Hold your cards close to the vest
I don’t think either of my parents intended this, but what they taught me around vulnerability – to guard against it – caused me to show up as a leader rigid, aloof, and less approachable. It took me nearly two decades to undo.
I see this same resolve in leaders I coach today, especially female leaders. To get ahead, we develop armor…a shell to protect us, we put forth an image of steel, as in “I have this under control” and “I’ve got it all together.” Inside we may be quaking, but the external world will never know it. We take it own, carry the load, and ‘grin and bear it.’ Years and decades pass. We become someone we don’t know anymore….or worse, someone we don’t even like.
“Take a measure of me and my heart,” Biden says.
This is a reminder to us all to put down our armor, come out from behind our shields, open our hearts and let others see our humanity.
Hi, I’m Jeanie Duncan. I work with individuals and organizations as a transformation partner to help them unlock their Truth, discover authentic value, and create meaningful impact in the world. I believe when we are truly aligned with our purpose, we can live and perform at our highest potential. With over 25 years of experience as an executive, CEO, consultant, coach, and writer, I offer strategic, knowledgeable, and experienced guidance for those who are ready to take the courageous leap toward true transformation.